TODAY MANY CHILDREN SPEND A LOT OF TIME PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES AND LITTLE TIME ON SPORTS. WHY IS IT?

TODAY MANY CHILDREN SPEND A LOT OF TIME PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES AND LITTLE TIME ON SPORTS.

WHY IS IT? IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

In modern life, video games have gained much popularity among the youngsters and children thanks to its relaxation and entertainment. There are many reasons for this phenomenon, but in my personal perspective, this development can be deemed as a negative change.

Nowadays, many children are gluing their eyes to the screen playing games for various reasons. Video games are now becoming more and more diverse and attractive than they were in our parents' time (20-25 years ago), which draws many youngsters' attention. Indeed, gaming experience now is better for gamers. For instance, players are constantly given scores, new targets, rewards and achievements to keep them playing, which becomes an enormous temptation that users can not easily resist and it prevents them from exercising to improve their health. On top of that, to some unfortunate offspring who live in a dysfunctional family, computer games are considered a getaway from their anguish reality, deterring them from positive thinking and raising their optimistic thoughts.

Besides, many problems arise around spending too much time on computer-based games that cannot be forecasted and underestimated. As said before, electronic games are lures that once users are trapped in, it is extremely difficult for them to get out. Lack of sports activities and physical exercises will bring many issues to gamers. Put it differently, wasting all day looking at a computer screen leads to various acute health problems. Weak eyesight, bad posture and obesity are the best illustration for this statement. In addition, spending all day in front of electronic devices also results in children's study severely, with no time for doing homework and revisions, their further study will be ruined, which significantly affects these people's future.

In conclusion the rise of gaming and the decline in exercising are based on different reasons. Games can either be advantageous or not, depending on how the users utilize it.

There is a repeated word meaning based on synonym usage in the first paragraph. Youngsters and children refer to similar age groups. since "children'' is the keyword used in the presentation, it should not have been used in the restatement. Rather, the word youngsters alone should have been used to refer to an alternative word representation. It must also be pointed out that a "negative change" does not have the same meaning as a negative development:

Development- noun; a significant consequence or event

Change- verb; to transform or convert

The error in word usage will negatively affect the LR and GRA score.

The writer uses effective reasoning in the paragraphs. That is not to say that the reasons are consistently well developed because these are not. In every paragraph, the second topic always lacks in terms of a fully developed explanation. This affects the coherence and clarity of the explanation. It is always better for the final score to have a single well explained reason in a paragraph than to ruin it with a second weakly explained reason alongside it.

Additional deductions will apply for the sudden change in the writer's . in the concluding summary. It went from;


at the start to;


The discussion and opinion reference totally changed in the end.