"How, parents, talk to novice and expert children, history museum" - article critique

assignment requirement: find an article and critisize it(including abstract and introduction part).
please give me some ideas and see if there's any grammer errors, thanks so much!!

"How, parents, talk to novice and expert children, and natural history museum" are the key terms in this article title. These terms are clear so that readers know what do the authors are going to present in this paper. The focus was how parents talk to children with different degrees of [specific domains of] knowledge, and this happened in ...

REMOVED

Your intro confused me so much! I was trying to understand "with different degrees of [specific domains of] knowledge, and this happened in one natural history museum." I don't know how to tell you how this paragraph should be fixed, but I think it should probably begin with a short, quick sentence.

Um... are you required to begin by mentioning the key words? Or perhaps is an intro paragraph going to be added later? The important thing is to tell the reader what the article is about as soon as possible.

I see some interesting ideas in that intro, but remember this:
Every idea deserves its own paragraph. The idea is stated in the topic sentence (i.e. first sentence) of the paragraph.]

That's why paragraphs are important. State an idea, and then give sentences of explanation,elaboration, examples, or quotes, and then conclude the thing so that the reader really GETS every idea.

Thank you, Kevin!
You are right, i should stated a topic senetence then elaborated it.
i totally screwed it up...:(

Yes, if you learn anything here let it be the importance of a topic sentence. Actually, when I looked at the essay again I noticed a dramatic shift in writing style and discovered that some of the material was copied from web pages! Do not post any material that is not original or your account will be suspended! But also, don't be discouraged about writing, because it is not as hard as you probably think. Just keep it simple and express one idea with each paragraph.

:-)