Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


Ielts part 2 - Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines.



zulay9595 1 / 1  
Aug 1, 2020   #1

Should parents vaccine their children?



Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines.
Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.


Over the recent years, a number of vaccination procedures have become the essential components of life so as to fight deadly diseases. While some people believe that it should be parents' choice to select the vaccination for their children, I would agree with those who argue that neccessity of vaccination for children should be enforced by the law.

Firstly, important procedure such as vaccination should not be left with for an individual to decide as they are bound to carelessness. This is because a number of parents avoid the hassle of visiting doctors and spending money with the preception in mind that their children would not catch the disease. This type of behaviour has resulted in big countries like India suffering from the large scale epidemics in the past. Recent survey stated that India would have never gotten rid of Polio if the government hadnot mandated the Vaccine For All Initiative in which every Indian citizenA was given Polio Vaccine at their homes.

Furthermore, it is a natural acceptance of human to only stay updated with concerns that they are interested in or are enforced with. For instance, 2019 census stated that 70% parents in india were not aware about the names of relevant vaccines needed for their child. Hence, their children had only underwent vaccines that were mandated by the govt. Conversely, if the government had not mandated the vaccination procedures for children and youngsters, it would be unsurmountable to vanish the proliferation of life threatening diseases.

In brief, I believe vaccination should be mandated by law as individual's decisions are prone to lack of knowledge and avoidance of related hassles which can have devastating affects for child and nation as whole.

Huong789456123 1 / 3  
Aug 1, 2020   #2
Your essay is good, but I think it is better giving instances of yourself experiences
Le Thuy Vy 1 / 3  
Aug 1, 2020   #3
I think your main idea in the second body passage is not clear enough, however i like the way you approach the topic
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Aug 2, 2020   #4
Your discussion is not grammatically perfect. It has errors in sentence formation but these mistakes do not produce any serious problems when it comes to understanding the content of your presentation. Your discussion topics are well developed and show a clear understanding the given topic. You should be proud of the work that you did in this essay. You properly represented your opinion and allowed yourself to fully discuss the presentation per paragraph. The only problem, like i said, is the lack of English fluency in some instances. However, these errors will not have a serious effect on your final score. I fully expect you to get more than a passing score with this kind of presentation. Good job.
OP zulay9595 1 / 1  
Aug 2, 2020   #5
@Holt
Thank you so much, this gives a lot of impetus.


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts part 2 - Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳