Behaviours and lifestyle vary from country to country. Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour.
Do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that the people from each and every country have unique characteristics and way of living. But when they visit to other countries, some people believe that they should have to follow the local people's behaviour whereas I believe that it is not necessary.
Firstly, visitors from other countries would get influenced by the local people's way of speech and behaviour. This is because, when both set of people get into interaction, out of interest, without knowingly the visitors start to learn things happening around. For example, when foreigners visiting India, they learnt and greet people by joining hands in front their chest instead of handshake. So the visitors have opportunity to broaden up their knowledge from these basic behaviours to the extent they can. In contrast to that, if they couldn't find anything fascinated then they hardly follow those stuffs.
However, I believe that it is not essential for every visitor to learn new behaviour and lifestyle from other country. This is because, most commonly visitors stay for shorter period and they don't have to follow everything what local people do. On considering these elements, tourism industries progressively make arrangements for them to feel home away from home because these restrictions may decrease their growth. Conversely, if a visitor planned for long stay then they will learn to follow local customs and behaviours for survival without imposing it on to them.
In conclusion, although visitors from other country get influenced by local people's behaviour and it can broaden their knowledge, it is not necessary for them to follow it.
Your essay is good. But there are certain mistakes such use of would will unclear your opine and you should state you're clear stand throughout the essay. Use formal language not informal like in the essay you use stuff which is not a formal way. Instead of it, you can items or things. Overall, it's okay with little GM and C&C mistakes.
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In the first paragraph, you have run-on sentences and improper conjunction usage issues. You are using "but" to start a sentence, remember, the previous thought process ended with the period, so there is nothing to connect to the next sentence that started with "but". Your response to the question should not be bundled into the discussion of the 2 reasons form the original prompt. Your response must always be a stand alone sentence at the end of the paragraph. You may opt to add a reasoning topic introduction at that point. Do not present a discussion, just a topic presentation.
Since you already said you disagree, your 2 reasoning paragraphs should focus only on the opposition to the given discussion. Do not use the comparative discussion for this essay. Rather, present 2 reasons that will help convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one. Remember, your score will be based only on the related discussion paragraphs. The examiner will remove the paragraph that does not relate to your opinion, which will bring your word count to under 250 words. Which means, percentage points will be deducted for an improperly formatted response. The deduction will be due to the paragraph that you included, which supported the opposing point of view.
The conclusion is a single run-on when it should be just a reflection of the opening paraphrase, 3-5 sentences. That should represent the topic, your reasons, and a repetition of your opinion, in no particular order.
Thank you very much for reading my essay and feedback. I will work on it and will improve my writing. Thank you.