The Passage - "don't know if it's fluent and adhesive"

The Passage

With screams of pain, and excruciating veins,
you were introduced into the world; to divine smiles, outstretched arms, and unrestricted love, through the passage of life you came. It was the beginning of the cycle you were too young to appreciate.

But time has past and then came the time,
when the grass was green, the tree spread its arms, and the mountain stood unyielding. The weather was sweet; the sky painted blue, the sun shined bright and the wind spread its mist across your countenance.

Everything felt alive and there was reason for living, kin and acquaintances around, the world seemed perfect. You read about history even thought about making one, every minute of every hour subsequently and eloquently consoled with commotion.

Your mind and body eventually evolved to a few decades and everything around you has changed. The vigor in your limbs, your preference for things all seemed to be more precise.

Living life at its peak it feels like you are on top of the world, with your lovely boy or your lovely girl. Exhausting the suit called success wrapped around your volatile skin, the material eludes your mind from the most important gift, all seemed fitted in parallel eyes.

Abruptly the cycle of life caught you at its final stage, where your mind becomes paralyzed, refusing to accept the facts of life. Suddenly nothing else matters to you but the time you have remained, trying to ignore the inauguration and be sane.

It is the end, time to go back through the passage, leaving behind smothering hearts and blistering eyes, unfilled parts and relentless cries. The journey continues from one passage to the next; ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Very intriguing... This line and many lines are really enjoyable to read.

I want to move the comma, though:
Living life at its peak, it feels like you are on top of the world with your lovely boy or your lovely girl.

Oh, no, that is not what to do. This is better:
Living life at its peak it feels like you are on top of the world, with your lovely boy or your lovely girl.

the time you have remaining--- would this be better than remains?

What is the inauguration you mention?

This is good stuff... thanks for sharing it with us!

hey kev! thanks for ur comment...sorry i took so long to reply.

thank you for the suggestion. i did use the word remaining instead and also the rewritten line "Living life at it's peak,"

oh! the inauguration is the introduction of death...meaning the person is trying to ignore or refusing to accept that the end is near.