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Some people argue that government should spend their money on elderly people's care. However, other


thuythuong 1 / 1  
Jul 22, 2022   #1

care for the elderly



It is common beliefs that the distribution of money to old peoples to they feel more carefully, however, other perspectives argue that a large of money should be invested for the education of young-age groups.in my opinion, i support that money should be more allocated for the schools to childrens had a well-educated than take care of older peoples.

on the one hand,even though the elder people is easily to become vulnerable and need to be more careful all the times.Because of they always feel isolated and unconfident due to the more and more in their age and they don't make a numinous financial as well as when they were young. However,Almost the elder usually lived with their descendants, so nearly theirs need an accommodation,caring when they had been have illness which demanded emediately.in addition, the older ages would be gave a retired money by government.

According to a study in 2000, about 90% of the elders nearly lived with their young generations although, in the previous years they had lived lonely for characteristics or the features of their careers. So, the government should again consider the distribution of money to elder people.

On the other hand,the more money allocated for the education of the young generation, the more easily had a improved- country in the future.because, the new inventions which almost came from high- school students

according to a statistics over period of 10 years from 1990 to 2000,The Europe had more strongly money invested than the rest of countries.By 2001,it had been had the most production science and a highest economics.therefor, the investment in the schools is the best way to enhance a country.

To conclude, the elderly would need to have caring so they feel more and more healthier, however, the investment of young education is more necessary than for the future.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,397 4385  
Jul 22, 2022   #2
This essay will immediately receive a failing score, regardless of the discussion presented and the number of words provided. Why? The first thing that the examiner will notice is that the writer does not have any knowledge of to write a sentence in English. None of these sentences will even pass as beginner English from an ESL student. The writer does not convey clear thoughts or ideas in the sentences because his word usage is so severely faulty, the grammar range for this essay will be based on the failing score due to sentence formation problems, word usage errors, and meaning distortion.

The C+C for this essay will be the second noticeable problem in this essay. The GRA problems caused the formation of a discussion that is incoherent and lacking in cohesiveness. His score in this section will also be non-passing.

The final problem, is that the writer is citing research in a paper that is asking for a personal opinion from the writer. These are but the more immediate and noticeable errors in the presentation that will prevent this type of writing from gaining a passing score for the task instructions. It becomes ever obvious to the examiner that the writer is not yet at the beginner level of using the English language in expressing himself. He will score the examinee as such.

If the writer is to have a prayer of passing this test, he must first work on his basic ESL skills. That will include enhancing his severely limited English vocabulary to help him form more properly formatted sentences. Enroll in formal ESL classes to achieve this goal. Do not proceed with writing any sort of IELTS essay yet. He is not yet capable of writing such tasks.
alice05 4 / 8 3  
Jul 23, 2022   #3
- Pay attention to the fundamental rule like "I" is always in capital form and how the first letter is written after a full stop "."
- common beliefs
- that the distribution of money to old peoples to they feel more carefully -> make no sense. I just guess you mean " so that the elderly can feel cared for" ?

- other perspectives argue that -> how can perspectives argue, as far as I know it's more or less than a viewpoint, remember that "argue" is an activity of humans.

- invested for in
- i support believe that
- is easily to become vulnerable -> easily become/ is easy to become. Plus, I think that it should only be " the elderly is vulnerable". It's a fact not that they become

- Because of they always feel isolated and unconfident. After "because of" is a noun.
- the more and more in their age. ??? -> simply "due to old age"
- ....
There are so many grammar mistakes that it seems to be an impossible mission for me to list all. The first thing that you have to do immediately is to improve your poor grammar. I suggest English Grammar and use grammar whenever you attempt to write in English. Plus, it seems to me that you only have very limited knowledge about how to write a task 2 essay. Whatever the first thing to do now is still brush up your grammar and at the same time, build a good vocabulary base!
OP thuythuong 1 / 1  
Jul 24, 2022   #4
@Holt
thank you very much
Iloveielts 8 / 16 1  
Jul 25, 2022   #5
there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your essay. For example : the first sentence of body 1 you use the complex sentence with 'although', however there is no main clause here. Besides, you have failed to follow the right format of maybe IELTS writing. You should divide your idea into 2 bodies to prove what you want to say. The one before conclusion : according to a statistics (...) enhance a country.

can be used for an example but shorter, and then analyze it to prove what you want to say. If you want to get a good marks, follow youtube or others learning materials to improve or C+C mark


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