TOEFL: Some people are attracted to dangerous sports? 'feel more alive'

Sports are really recommended to human beings because of their positive influence on body and healthiness. If you follow most dangerous sports in the world, you may be surprised by the fact that there are some people who put their live in danger and enjoy doing these kinds of sports. Here I am going to explain why some people are attractive to dangerous sports. My arguments are listed below.

First of all, dangerous sports are attractive to risk takers. All of us have to take risks in order to get promotion in life but these sports need an extreme level of risk handling. Nothing is compared to putting your life in danger. There is a difference between risk takers brain structure and normal people. They have less amount of particular type of molecule in their brain. So they are attracted in taking risks and run into it, while others run from it.

Second, it is a good way to fight boredom. Scientific researches show that human brain get used to different activities quickly. Brain works inefficiently when it stocks in one action for long time. So increasing the level of excitement is really necessary to stop boredom of activities.

Last but not least, they love to do it. When someone love to do something and has passion to do it, he or she learns how to accept risk and minimize it. The great feeling after doing these kinds of sports is worthwhile for some people to take such a huge risk. Besides some people love to feel power. It is a high accomplishment to do these dangerous sports for them. So they enjoy doing these dangerous and risky sports.

The main conclusion to be drown from what I said before, is that there are some people who love taking risks to change their life from a routine way. In my opinion people feel more alive when they are in a situation where they confront theirs fears. In addition it is a good way to fight boredom. So some people choose this way to achieve what they want from life.

This adds no value. Better omit or rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all to finish reading the essay.

Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words.

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion between sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Thanks. I always have this type of mistake is my writing. :(