Tan, you have certainly written a very compelling essay that looks deeply into the reasons behind the prompt. Aside from a few grammatical errors, this is a very solid piece of writing that you should be proud of.
People are born with a skill that makes human different from
other organisms. Our predecessors used it to make a unique tool that work beyond animals' intuitions, skills, and other tools human used to depend on. That unique tool is technology. Someone said that our ability to think and survive without technology had certainly dwindled since our daily lives had substantially relied on technology. But they might forget that technology is one thing that makes us different from other animals. There are so many reasons which can prove how technology does not decrease our abilities to think ourselves but it is an effective tool to help us dwell happily and generate other things that beyond our calculating ability.
- ... makes humans
different from organisms.- You should have a paragraph that will explain how the human mind and technology work hand in hand. The human mind thinks of how to make life easy and we create the technology. Therefore, the ability of man to think for himself will never be diminished or dwindle.
Firstly, technology has helped us to calculate mathematics that too hard for human ability to solve ourselves. So it is much faster and easier to use technology to solve it. Therefore, we can solve hard mathematics equations easily. A number of outstanding scientific theories require absolutely hard mathematics solving, so they will be easy if we use technology to calculate and our responsibility is planning and managing the experiments, and analyzing the results by using computer, technology equipment.- Always refer to how the human mind is what makes technology work. The math problems may have been solved by a computer but it was the human mind that taught the computer how to solve the complex calculations. Always refer to the power of the human mind and how all our technology revolves around our brains and minds that created the simplistic technology for others.
In addition, as many problems are caused by technology, for instance running out of fossil fuel, global warming, etc., we also gain a variety of challenges to cope with. Besides, scientists need to think and explore new sources of energy in order to replace fossil fuel. Accordingly, technology leads us to many new challenging work that we have to think more complex and logically than before.- Again, refer to the power of the human mind to think up creative solutions to these problems. Explain how the human mind works as the most complex computer in the world making it the most capable problem solver of all time. Thus, the need to think will always be a requirement in any field of problem solving.
Also, excellent standards of educational system help us to maintain new generations' thinking skill. In school, teachers teach students to calculate in Mathematics and Science, and writing in English grammatically without any technology that will calculate mathematics problems and auto-correct any grammar or vocabulary mistakes. Teacher also teach children to operate technology properly. So we can ensure that our children will study and learn to think by themselves and also learn to use technology appropriately by proper instructions from schools' teachers.- Discuss this from the point of view that the human mind is the very key by which the advances in education have come to also. Studying is now easier because the human mind made it so. There is nothing that we will do in our daily lives, regardless of the mundane task, that will not require us to think and use our brains. This is a connection in the discussion that should be a continuing trend throughout the paper.
Moreover, if we did not have technology, we would be extinct because our physical ability do not develop as other kinds of wild animals. Technology also prolongs our lifespan as Medical technology has been developed. In the past, the average of human's lifespan (exclude people who die by accident) is only 40 years. However, nowadays as medical technology has been developed, the average human's lifespan (exclude people died by accident) is 80 years old.
Yet to learn a lot of reasons above, technology does not have adversely effect on our thinking ability. But it also help us to think more complex and live longer.
- If you strengthen your previous discussions, then this simple conclusion will work. Right now, it is lacking in depth and meaning. So I advise you to rewrite the paper using the above suggestions to strengthen the overall content and impact of your discussion.
After you have applied the content revisions, the grammar revisions will follow.