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Most argue that the advance of electronic communication is harmful towards human interpersonal skill


Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Aug 18, 2016   #1
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


The way how people interact each other has been changed over a few decades. Most argue that the advance of electronic communication is harmful towards human interpersonal skill. However, I controversially believe that the use of this modern devices brings numerous positive effects to our lives.

People who argue that the utilization of digital media possess a negative attitude have one main reason. They point out that individuals become more reluctant to socialize in community as well as the widespread of this advent. They prefer to discuss or deliver information throughout the internet, instead of participating in verbal communication. A recent study of Leeds University reveals that it is imperative to allocate a few minutes assembling with family every day, sharing the difficulties faced in the office or even a funny story in the school, in order to build strong relationship. Unfortunately, this behavior does not make a sense these days because when parents and children gather in the same room in the evening or at night, they are busy to play with their own gadgets. Undoubtedly, high-tech has become an invisible barrier between people.

On the other hand, there are strong reasons for arguing that the electronic media is able to connect people effectively. Firstly, people can communicate with relatives easily, even in far distance, via digital features in social media. For instance, students in the foreign country using video call to contact their families. Many people also spend their leisure time to be in contact with old friends or colleagues via facebook, twitter, or other apps. Furthermore, young people are likely to make friends in the internet. All in all, the electronic media sharpen human ability to interact with others.

In conclusion, the application of electronic media can damage social bond because it leads to a decrease in direct communication between people. However, these device provide numerous ways for people to build strong relationship through social networking.

ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 18, 2016   #2
Hi ilmi,
It's nice essay

Most argue that the advance of electronic ...
However , I controversially believe that the use of ...
I think that you served the same ide but you used 'however'
So it should be better if you change 'argue' to 'agree'.

Also, you should give fewer reasons in the first body paragraph

Please correct me back if i made mistakes
nida26 30 / 19 5  
Aug 18, 2016   #3
Halo, Miss Ilmi

Your Introduction:
The way how people interact each other ...

Basically, I have another opinion for constructing the introduction. I want to rewrite your introduction. Here is mine :

The advancement of sophisticated computerized media plays a critical role in the maintenance of people's relationship since it influences the way societies communicate each other. While, it is common belief that the electronic communication renders a negative effect towards inhabitants' life, I personally agree that citizens obtain numerous positive outcomes owing to these modern devices.

Thank you


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