We are living in a modern society in which many people care more about their appearance. There are many boutiques, fashion shops served for young people. It is very good if you have good appearance, in my opinion you should pay enough attention to your appearance because values inside your body are the most important things.
In the past decades, when people just only care about their first and essential demand that is food, nowadays, when people feel satisfied with the first demand, they are looking for the others to make them feel happy and pleased. Someone like shopping, playing football, tennis or going to the gym... these will make people feel more confident and help them work diligently and more effectively.
Moreover, there are a lot of jobs that require perfect appearance, for example: compere, actor and actress, receptionist, marketing assistant... People do these jobs must have perfect appearance because they communicate much with others and often appear on TV or other kinds of media.
Although your abilities and your skills are the key to succeed, but appearance play a very important role in your life. If you have a good appearance, you easily communicate with others and that makes your work more influent. In a job interview or meeting with a customer, first impression is very grand, even it would be everything. The interviewee will judge you through your appearance first or if you are staff of a company you will be your company's representative talking with client.
Nowadays, some people concentrate too much on their appearance, that is not necessary, even just a waste of time. You do not have to wear like a superstar while you just normally do a job not like a star. Most importantly, you must learn how to get dressed and behave in each situation in your life.
We are living in today's modern society,in which many people care more about their appearance.
There are many boutiques,and fashion shops servedto cater for young people.
^
By the way, a percentage of old people are also concerned with their appearance.
It is very good if you have good appearance'to be visually appealing',
^I put that in speech marks, because I do not know if that is the effect you were actually going for.
In my opinion,youone should pay just enough attention to yourhis/her physical appearance because values inside your body are the most important things. OR 'YOUR INNER BEAUTY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT'
In the past decades , when people just only caredabout their first and essential demand that is of food***,Nowadayswhen people feel satisfied with th isinstinctive demand, they are looking for the others to make them feel happy and pleased.
^**I would have to say that people's instincts demand food and shelter.
Someone people like shopping, playing football, tennis or going to the gym... these will make people feel more confident and help them work diligently and more effectively.
^You take an informal approach here.
Moreover, there are a lot of jobs that require perfect appearance, for example: compere, actor and actress, receptionist, marketing assistant...
^Ok, not the best sentence. Also, not all of these professions require people to look good.
People do these jobs must have perfect appearance because they communicate much with others and often appear on TV or other kinds of media.
^
Revise this sentence.
Although your abilities and your skills are the key to succeeds , but appearance plays a very important role in yourlife.
If you have aBy looking goodgood appearance , youone can easily communicate with others and that makes your work more influent.
^
I did not get the part I highlighted in bold. I have seen nerds and geeks, as well as dorks and losers, who look far from good, communicating to other people easily. They also get good grades.
Also, there are some good looking people out there who use a lot of 'duhsss' in their sentences. That, is poor communication.
In a job interview or meeting with a customer, first impressionsis very grand, even it would beare everything. The interviewee will judge you through your appearance first or if you are staff of a company you will be your company's representative talking with client.
^
I do believe that visual appeal is quite important in today's world. But come on, you can not say with such surety that the interviewers judge an applicant by his looks.
Nowadays, some people concentrate too much on their appearance, thatIt is not necessary, evenas it is just a waste of time. You do not have to wear clothes like a superstar while you just normally do a job not like a star.
^Wow the bold part is bad.
Most importantly, you must learn how to get dressed and behave in each situation in your life.
*Ok, your essay does not seem to have a clear train of thought. You do offer both sides, both rather poorly. I do not get which side you are on. Also, your 'facts' are just opinions. Your grammar needs some work on as well. I think your essay needs work. Focus.
If you are weighing up the two sides, for an argument, then do so. However, develop your ideas and evaluate and come up with a conclusion.
The topic is interesting and I would like to see how you change the essay base on Liebe's comments which are very useful.
Focusing on content, since Liebe has covered grammar so thoroughly, I notice first that much of your essay concerns the question of whether it is good to care about your appearance. As Liebe noted, you present both sides of that question in a not particularly well organized fashion. But what I notice is that is not the question. The question is whether people care about their appearance more than before. You begin by asserting that they do, but do not offer much evidence to support that contention.
What is the time frame you are using? What part of the world are you discussing? In Europe, for example, it might be argued that upper class people in the days of powdered wigs for men and extravagant dresses for women cared more about their appearance than people of a similar social class today. On the other hand, again in that region, it's likely that poor and working class people expend more energy on personal appearance than they did in those days. In other regions, the pattern is different.
So, I would say, as we so often do on this forum: Be more specific! Stay with your own country, since you probably know the most about its history and the evolution of cultural values such as concern for appearance. If you want to argue that people do care more about their appearance now than before, be clear what you mean by "before" and give evidence to support your arguments. Save your thoughts about whether or not caring about your appearance is a good thing for your conclusion.
Some of what you have already could be modified to be more on track. For instance, you could argue that television has made people more concerned about their appearances. Simone is right, though, most of what you have just doesn't address the topic. There is no reason why employers should care more about appearances in interviews now than they did 100 years ago, for instance, or if there is, you haven't stated it.
There is no reason why employers should care more about appearances in interviews now than they did 100 years ago, for instance, or if there is, you haven't stated it.
And, again, specifying the time frame is essential. Are you comparing now with 100 years ago or with paleolithic times?
One sort of assumes that you would be looking at recent changes, say over the past century, within North American society. But stating the times and places you have in mind specifically is certainly a good idea.
One sort of assumes that you would be looking at recent changes, say over the past century, within North American society.
Hmm... I agree that there may be a presumption that recent changes are under discussion but, especially in an IELTS or TOEFL essay, I wouldn't assume that North America is the place under discussion.
Well, let's see, the TOEFL is a university application test produced by an American company (ETS). The test measures a person's mastery of English, which is presumed to be a foreign language for the person applying, almost as if the test were originally designed to allow American universities to screen international students for their ability to communicate on campus with other students and with professors. It doesn't seem unreasonable to assume that the test makers had, if not North America, then the West in general in mind. For that matter, I'd probably go in the opposite direction, and say they were probably thinking specifically of "The United States" as the place when they wrote the prompt.
I hear you, but I don't think ETS expects Vietnamese test takers (for example) to be familiar with cultural changes within the United States at the level of detail necessary to answer such a question. People are, however, aware of cultural changes within their own countries and in the world in general. So, as a reader, I would assume the person is talking about the world in general or his or her own country.
Our differing perceptions here demonstrate the truth of the one thing we are almost always unified in saying: Be specific! As long as the person specifies the time frame and place s/he is writing about, the essay can correctly answer the prompt without confusion to the reader.
Certainly. I think we can agree that people responding to the prompt are free to write about whatever time and place they want to, so long as they let the reader know in advance. Even if they are writing about the time and place that they assume the prompt refers to, it would be a good idea to specify them explicitly, in case the reader has different assumptions in mind.
