Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS W2. People do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past



Arlen 20 / 37  
Apr 27, 2017   #1
In general, people do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past.
Why is this so, and what can be done to improve contact between neighbours?


Bonds between people are not so tight like it was before



Neighbor plays an important role in our life, whereas a good neighbor can bring benefits and a bad one can make your life miserable. Having said that, in modern society, we have become more and more isolated, having far distance from the neighborhood. In the following essay, I am going to discuss the reasons and the alternative method to improve the relationship.

One of the main reasons is that the change of family structure. In the past, an ordinary family usually includes three generations, from grandparents to grandchildren. However, with the low birth rate, the average population in a family in Taiwan, according to the latest demography, is less than three people. In such premise, the demand for the living place transfer from a house to an apartment. Therefore, the less amount of people live in a rather smaller place, making an isolated form of living.

The other reason may cause the cold relationship between neighbors is the widespread use of high technology. Nowadays, technological gadgets are ubiquitous; people can communicate with others without face to face, by using the APP in mobile device, spending more time on virtual world than reality. Those high techs seem to bond the connection between people though, the real interaction are dying away.

In order to improve the link between neighbors, I suppose that the administration of a community can often held various activities, not only festival celebrations but also some educational types, attracting the residents to participate in. Via these activities, whole community can strengthen the identify, and the concept of "neighbor" is not "the person who living next to you" anymore.

The ignorance of neighbors reflects an indifferent society. By giving more concerned toward our neighborhoods, we can make a warm world.

tnritika 4 / 6  
Apr 27, 2017   #2
Hello,
I have read your essay and I think your writing is great and your ideas are logical
However there are some parts that needs to be fixed.
The first one is your conclusion which I found missing from your essay. Your conclusion should cover all the ideas more than what you have written in the end of your essay.

The next one is in your second paragraph. I think it will be better if you explain more about the relation between living in apartment and isolated form of living. Because as we can see in this paragraph, you explain more about the relation of family structure and living in a smaller place, while the aim is to describe the reason why people are not close to their neighbor anymore or in your definition, isolated form of living.

I think that is all, thank you. keep it up!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS W2. People do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳