Your suggestion will be highly appreciated.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Are people earning a lot of money qualified as a successful person?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Everything needs money, but money is not everything. In my opinion, it is inappropriate to consider if people are successful by how much money they make. In the following paragraph, I will give two specific examples to elaborate my idea.
A person who can positively influence people is successful. Kevin Lin, a Taiwanese ultramarathon runner, always dreamed of becoming a great athlete since little. He is not tall and has no physical advantage to compete with other athletes. Instead of giving up, he got up at four and ran thirty kilometers every day before going to school. With continuing practice, he has become the first modern runner to cross Sahara desert in Asia and accomplished many of the most difficult marathons in the world. The most of all, he not only encourage athletes not to be afraid of physical disadvantages but also everyone to fulfill their dreams. Kevin doesn't earn like a millionaire, but the way he influence people is admirable.
Take an eighteen-year old girl, Malala Yousafgzai as an example. When Taliban took control the village where she live in Pakistan and banned her from school, she refused to be silent and fought for the right of education. She has been the BBC blogger since she was only eleven years old. She wrote about the life that people's rights are taken away and the article attracted a lot of attention worldwide. However, she was shoot in the head by Taliban because of her advocacy for education and for women. She miraculously recovered from extremely critical condition and continued her activism. She is the youngest ever Nobel Peace Prize owner. Her struggle against the suppression deserves people's respect.
To conclude, the meaning of success should be redefined. As long as people could have positive effects on others and even make the world better like Kevin Lin and Malala Yousafzai, I think they are successful. Earning money should not be the only one thing matters in our life.
Hello elisa27
Your text is nicely written, but you could use applying some stylistic adjustments. They are as follows:
inappropriate [...] to judge one's successfulness by how much money she or he happen to have in the bank.
examples to [...] substantiate the validity of this suggestion.
since [...] the time he was a child.
Instead of giving up [...] he would he would get up at four in the morning and...
he has become [...] became... in Asia and [...] to take part in many of...
The most of all [...] no need for this
he not [...] He does not only encourage... but also [...] to stay focused on fulfilling their dreams.
influence [...] affects...
control [...] of...
she refused [...] to remain silent and actively fought for her right to receive education.
She wrote [...] the article about how people in Afganistan are being denied basic human rights and it attracted...
was shoot [...] wounded...
from [...] her...
continued [...] on with activism.
owner [...] winner.
suppression [...] oppression.
As long [...] For as long as people have a positive effect on others...
thing [...] that...
I hope it helped. Regards.
Hi Elisa, here's another take on your essay. By the way, before I get started, I just want to share that indeed, writing is an act of heroism, it expresses your ideas in a way that you have to have the courage to put your pen on a piece of paper, write to your hearts desire and be able to let your thoughts out and be known to your readers, even more so, writing is an act of simply patronizing your own work and be proud of what you've come about. What I'm trying to say is, we are what we write, having said that, we should be careful of what we write.
Moving forward, please find my suggestions below;
- However, she was shootshot in the
- She is the youngest to have ever received a Nobel Peace Prize owner .
- Her struggle against the suppression
- could havecan create positive
- I thinkbelieve they are successful.
- thing that matters in our life.
There you have it Elissa, indeed, money is not the only thing that people should think about, because, come to think of it, one can be very busy making money that they don't realize, hey, life has moved on and they grow old and the next thing they know, they're already in their death bed and they never experienced life. Nevertheless, money is needed to go on with life and it is essential but not the only thing that matters.
