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Some people enjoy changes, and they look forward to new experiences. Others not.


Keng 39 / 134  
Feb 25, 2011   #1
This is my essay and i am not sure whether it is right or not. Can you help me revise it?

Thank you for your help.

Some people enjoy changes, and they look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay the same and they do not change their usual habits. Compare these two approaches to life. Which do you prefer? Explain why

In my opinion, people in some places have to adapt to the changes of the society they live in, but some insists on retaining old customs and traditions. For me, I think about maintaining the old culture as many parents do.

First, people want to keep up with new trends especially from western regions.
It is accepted that a globalization current that spreads across the globe affect traditional thinking of the modern generations. They think that copying new norms can make their life better and refuse to adhere to the old ones. For example, persons always eat Hamburger every day after school and I ask them why you do it. They said they had though hamburger as good food to eat everywhere.

Second, they try to maintain ancient norms and value of their parent generations.
Although the current globalization brings about changes in many ways ranging from professional to personal lives, some people consider their traditional lifestyles important and still hold to them. For instance, In Thailand, whenever the harvest season comes, they all help one another to collect produce and sell it to a market without any wages. The money from the harvest is allocated equally.

Third, I agree with those who strictly keep up with the old belief.
I am uncomfortable with people who give up the traditions of their family because I think they do not respect their own family. Moreover, I feel that old norms are somewhat valued and future generations are proud they inherited old cultures from their ancestry.

To sum up, people have different perspectives of either retaining old norms or creating new ones. Their parents' view toward it is varied; some want to change new things and some do not. I believe complying with old traditions is better because I need to adhere to the will of my grandfather who intends to create and protect norms and value forever.

butterbescotch 6 / 41  
Feb 26, 2011   #2
I think the introductory paragraph needs revising. It does not seem strong.
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Feb 27, 2011   #3
Can you tell me how to write an introductory sentence more clearly? I need more feedback to develop this type of essay.

Thank you.
megiacodon 5 / 15  
Feb 27, 2011   #4
HI,
I understand the task not like the way you do. In my opinion, the task is about lifestyle as well as perspective on lifestyle and what you wrote, as I see, is mainly traditional cultural value. I mean even in western country, there are people not changing their habits to keep up with the development of society, simply because of their characteristic, their point.
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Feb 27, 2011   #5
In my viewpoint, a lot of people copy things from the western country and that is why i decide to write an essay
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Mar 5, 2011   #6
For me, I think about maintaining the old culture as many parents do.

After this sentence, do not end the first paragraph right away. Add one more sentence to express what you mean. It is not clear. Also, the first paragraph is too short. You are smart, and your ideas are worth at least four sentences of introduction. :-)

I am uncomfortable with people who give up the traditions of their family because I think they do not respect their own family.

I like this sentence a lot. I do not entirely agree, but it really is a powerful sentence. Tradition really is a way to honor family. Yet, going one's own direction is a way to honor life in the present moment. I don't know what to think! :-)

Second, they try to maintain ancient norms and value of their parent parents' generation.---To show that the generation belonged to the parents, use an s and an apostrophe: parents' generation.


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