IELTS TASK 2: People are just focused on technology and they abolishing the cultural identity

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The trend of globalization become in the modern era since the majority of people supports this phenomenal as the consumptive people in the myriad sector such as technology and private transportation. While it is true that the people realization the individual characteristic to lost the ordinary identity , the several people argue that technology helps people in the myriad problem.

The people live without a care in the other society. It is the situation when they comfort in the individual life and sense happy to use the technology than join in the community. The people usually fulfilling their life with the private stuff so do not need the other people in the several situation. They think that the life is all about them in which they do not understand about socialization in the real life since the globalization influence their life. Moreover, they do not understand as the people of social such as help the other people, friendly and humanity.

There is the different era with efficient time to do anything. The real life after globalization since the technology help the whole people in the several sector. It is such as the smartphone when the majority of people connecting with the other for chit chat and easy to ask about anything without meet in directly time. The human can help many people through the technology since they get information from the internet and transfer the emergency money with the smartphone or faster to help the friend by the private car after communication with the applications. They safe much time to so anything in spite of daily routine

In conclusion, the different condition at the moment when the people just focus on technology and abolish the cultural identity, but the other think it has many functions. I believe that the technology is the best way for better life and good personality.

Dina, here's my corrections regarding to your grammatical accuracy in the first (introduction) and second(first body) paragraph. By reading those paragraphs, I reckon that you still need a lot of works to be done there. That is why it is better for you to revise it first, then post it again in 'comment' space below. Sorry to say that I also experienced some difficulties in terms of understanding your whole essay. It is suggested for you to avoid composing 'complex sentence' if you are not really sure about it. Sometimes, 'simple sentence' works better than 'confusing complex sentence', this was also a common problem for IELTS learners. So, please give me your best shot on the next essay dina! I believe you can do it! :)

- ...globalization become widespread in the modern era... (become what? needs adjective)
- ..this phenomenalphenomenon(phenomena = plural, phenomenon = singular)
- ...as the consumptive people in the myriad sector ... (confusing, the should be ended after 'phenomenon'.)
- ...the people realizationrealizethe individual characteristicscan possibly lose his or her own ordinary identity, the several other people
- The people live without taking a care of in the other societyies
- when they feel comfort in theabouttheir individual life and sense happy to use the technology rather than join in thea community.
- The people usually fulfillingfill their life with thesome private stuffs, so they do not need the other people in the severalsome situations .
- ...do not understand aswhy the people of socialsocietyhelp other people,.friendly and humanity.(I have no idea why you put friendly and humanity there, sounds confusing to me)

Hi Dina79, let me give alternative paragraph for your introduction
The globalisation trend has been an icon since the array number of consumerist societies allow developed technology and transportation. However, losing tradition identity becomes reality, numerous people consider that the development technology is designed to help people in various problems.

Suggestion:
1. pay more attention on subject verb agreement and the part of speech selection in sentence
2. to emphasize your essay you can add the scientific fact as an example in your essay