Reasons for food shortage in the modern world
In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people in the world still go hungry. What is the cause? What can be done
Although, agriculture, in this age, have been developed considerably. There are still a worrying number of people who are hungry. In this essay, after giving some reasons, I will suggest solution for this problem.
The two main shortcomings is probably lack of arable land means. Firstly, people recently use land for accommodation and building which are distinct to serve residents. It is not advisable that urbanization increase at such a high speech, resulting in insufficient soil for planting and breeding. It is clearly that the growth of agriculture is not effective if there is not sufficient land. The second reason is technology applied for agriculture seem to be expensive and unsuitable for every pocket. These modern techniques are just utilized in developed countries which have strong economy condition. In Africa, take an example, an underdeveloped continent which includes the backward and poor countries, they can not cause the technology because of its high expense. From all the reasons, despite the fact that the agriculture in in developing trend, it still can not the efficient solution for the situation of food shortage.
To solve this problem, I personally think that vertical farming will be an answer for lack of food. It is a cultivating vegetable vertically by new agriculture, which combine the design of building and farm all together in high-rise buildings. It is an ingenious method of agriculture to produce food in any places, even inside crowded cities where arable land is unavailable or rare at the most. Vertical farming is perceived as capable measure for not only developed countries where is unavailable soil but also poor countries where have not sufficient money to cover all the expense of modern technology.
To conclude, there are two main reason causing food shortage. One is lack of arable land. The other is about money. It is predicted that vertical farming will be the reasonable solution, being suitable with the remaining reasons
@oanhkieu208 Hi Oanh, here are some of my comments, hope that helps
1) Task response: this essay has clear structure and address the question well. But try to use punctuation better (e.g. Although, agriculture, in this age, have been developed considerably, there are still a worrying number of people who are hungry). In the conclusion, you also need to summarise it precisely and better using complex sentences. Do that and your band will increase
2) Cohesion: I can see that you use a lot of linking words so that's the good thing.
3 & 4) GRA & Lexical resource: I think that's where you need to improve on. There are quite a number of phrases and words that are inaccurate and inappropriate.
thanks for your help. it is really useful
Hi, I'd like to give you some advice about this essay.
I think that your essay has a clear structure as there are 2 paragraphs, one for the causes and one for the solutions, and they all have proper explanations and examples. Still, your essay has many grammatical and lexical errors, which make some of the sentences confusing and hard to understand. You need to work on that.
Also, some sentences have redundant words.
There are some of the mistakes that I found. Hope that it is useful for you. There are more but I don't have much time so you should check that yourself.
Although, agriculture... considerably, there are still ...
If you put a period there, your first sentence is incomplete, as it only has one dependent phrase. You need a comma to make a complex sentence.
Isome solutions for this problem.
The two main shortcomings are probably ...and inability to afford the latest technology.
It is written that there are two shortcomings but you only mention one.
people recently use land for accommodation and residential building which are distinct to serve residents.
It is not advisable ... at such a high speech --> because urbanization speeds up
"It is not advisable" sounds unnatural for me here. And "speed", not "speech" . Also, urbanization is a type of process, you can't use "increase".
the technology ... seems to be expensive ...
Look like you often forget to add "s" to a singular verb.
In Africa, take ... --> Take Africa as an example
... developed countries where is unavailable soil but also poor countries which do not have sufficient money ...
The use of "where" as a relative pronoun in your sentence is wrong.
Hi, welcome to the forum! Hope my suggestions could help:
First of all, use clear, native expressions. Readers may struggle to understand some of the phrases in your essay. For example, "lack of arable land means", "by new agriculture" and "cause the technology". Some others are understandable, but do not sound native:
... that urbanization increase develop at such ...
countries where is unavailable soil that fall short of land
My advice is to look it up on the internet when you are unsure whether an expression is native or not. For example, you may input "urbanization increase" in Google or other search engines (with quotation marks to make sure the search results are with no other words), to find out if the expression is frequently used by native speakers. You will in this way use the expression in a correct way.
2. Pay attention to grammar rules, like subject-verb concordance, use of articles, plural forms, and clauses.
A few corrections:
..., in this age, have has been developed considerably.
... shortcomings is are probably ...
It is a cultivating to cultivate vegetable vertically
...not only developed countries where is unavailable soil that fall short of land but also poor ... (Here the use of attributive clauses led by "where" is incorrect. You may refer to grammar books about this kind of clause.)
3. On topic sentence. Your ideas in your 2nd paragraph is brilliant, but topic sentence is not clear and did not cover the two reasons you mentioned. A revision could be:
The causes of food shortage could be the lack of land and technology.
A topic sentence introduces a paragraph, so in this sentence you should briefly mention the topics that will be analysed in following sentences.
Please don't feel discouraged, though. Keep up your insight about social topics and good luck!
