Task 2: Today people live away from their friends and family to find a job in other cities.

Today people live away from their friends and family to find a job in other cities.

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is observed that people increasingly sacrifice their chance to stay near their loved one to relocate for work. This essay will analyze both the merits and demerits of the tendency and the reasons why the merits are greater.

On the one hand, those who move away from families and friends are more at the risk of enduring mental health problems. As people have been accustomed to being in the company of the loved one, they could find it demanding in case of stepping out of their comfort zone. In practice, such people feel the difficulties to share their problems with the next of kin due to great distance. A case in this point is migrant workers since they are intrinsically inclined to opt for foreign countries. Therefore, the laborers have to stand on their own and in the end may suffer from sheer pressure regarding their workload and lack of compassion, which will escalate without outside assistance. As it shows, people could confront the mental health problems when being away from the loved one.

On the other hand, their ambition for the career fulfilment would be straightforward to be realized. As bigger cities or countries are the hub of various industries, which may facilitate a safe and secured career as well as high wage, those who make for these destinations stand the chance of finding an ideal job. This could not only benefit their own career in the long term but their living condition as well. Japan in this day and age becomes such an impeccable countries for laborers throughout the developing countries in view of its labor export programs. Given that, people opting for this nation could ameliorate their financial condition in tandem with a stable career path. Thus, their living away from their loved one goes along with their successful employment.

In conclusion, while the tendency to relocate for work instead of staying near family friend presents both the downsides and upsides, it seems to me that the upsides outweigh the counterpart.

There is room for improvement in the restatement and personal opinion paragraph. Avoid changing the statement basis from a mere straightforward opinion to one that includes a verification of truth or personal observations. Those can be included in the writer's opinion but not in the restatement section. The verification and observation will be considered a prompt deviation since it is not originally referenced. Avoid empty discussion instructions repetitions as well. These sorts of writing do not help establish the writer's opinion as required in the discussion. These errors will be considered in the preliminary scoring of the paragraph and be given lower than expected scores.

Based on the given discussion, the writer does not really understand the task writing requirements. That of a written debate that aims to debunk and perceived disadvantages as actual advantages. While the writer takes care to use targeted words in his presentation, these do nothing for the rest of the scoring requirement since the discussion format does not follow the expected outline. Where there should be 2 discredited disadvantages, there is only 1. It is not an effective written debate.

From my perspective, the essay is good. However, take care of the thesis sentence: the reasons why the merits are greater. This is not a way for you to give your own opinion : instead try to use : the " main idea you want to analyze about the advantage" + outweigh the drawbacks you have mentioned. This does not affected your score overall. Besides, the conclusion is the same with a lot of carelessness. Where is the sentence for prediction or recommendation? One more sentence in the conclusion can also balance your essay a lot. TRY TO IMPROVE