Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


TOEFL - In general, people live longer now. Why?



abc1400 17 / 32  
Nov 6, 2011   #1
Every year we be aware of that life expectancy increase, so it shows that people live longer than before. Advent of new devices and develop in sciences, help people live longer than the past. Furthermore, people live much healthier and doctors are able to treat most of diseases due to new medicines.

Firstly, development of medical science lead to longer lifespan. Everyday scientists find new medicines, or new methods for treat illnesses. Some diseases in the past seemed to be very hard to diagnostic and remedy, but today doctors can diagnosis and cure diseases in less than hours. Furthermore, some new medical devices help people to control they major health factors by themselves. A good example of this is people who suffer form diabet. They can test their blood sugar level daily by a small gadget.

Furthermore, new gadgets and devices make human life easier. In the past, for instance, took many weeks to travel long distance, but nowadays we can travel similar distance with planes in a few hours. Another example is industrial machinery that makes labour work easier; moreover, these machinery do tasks that are hazardous to their health. Generally, these new gadgets decrease risk of expose to dangerous situation for human.

Lastly, people are more educated and they know more about how to take care themselves. Nowadays every newspaper has a special page about health or we have special TV and radio programes that all try to increase people knowledge about their health; thus, people are more aware about how to protect their health condition and avoid eat or drink foods that are harmful to their health.

All in all, people live longer because they know more how to live healthy, new machinery do hard task for us. These improvement not only increase our lifespan, but also helps us to more enjoy our life.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 7, 2011   #2
Every year we are aware that life expectancy increases, so it shows that people live longer than before.

The advent of new devices and developments in sciences help people live longer than they did in the past.

Every day scientists find new medicines, or new methods for treat illnesses. --I just tuned ever day into 2 words.

Some diseases in the past seemed to be very hard to diagnose and remedy, but today doctors can diagnose and cure diseases in less than hours.

In the past, for instance, it took many weeks to...

All in all, people live longer because they have more knowledge of how to live healthy, new machinery do hard tasks for us.

Practice typing these sentences over and over again.Practice at least 10 times each, so you learn the correct grammar habits.
aiman - / 1  
Nov 7, 2011   #3
I think that you should not use ' furthermore ' more than once.
Mohini 2 / 2  
Nov 7, 2011   #4
Lastly, people are more educated and they know more about how to take care (of) themselves.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL - In general, people live longer now. Why?
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳