IELTS task 1: People who lived in Charlestown

Charlestown population 1955/2015

The bar charts represent the weight measurements of individuals who lived in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. The results were measured in percentage. It appears that an increasing number of people living in Charlestown suffers from obesity as time goes by, from 1955 to 2015 and this applies to people from all age categories.

Based on the 1955 bar chart, most of people from all age categories are healthy as it indicates that, for example, over 60% of people from the age of 20 to 29 were able to maintain healthy weight. It was also noticeable that people who were between 30 and 49 years old were more likely to suffer from obesity. From the age of 50 to 69, the percentage of obese people decreased by half, from about 10 % to roughly 5%.

As for the 2015 bar chart, it is obvious that the older one becomes, the more likely he will become obese. Only 1% of people aged 20 to 29 experienced this while approximately 60% of people from the oldest group were obese. The rate of obesity appears to increase progressively, from the age of 20 to 69. The youngest group was the most successful in keeping ideal weight as almost 70% of them were able to do so which was totally opposite to the oldest group. Nonetheless, the oldest group in both 1955 and 2015 had pretty high percentage of underweight people compared to other groups, around 40% and 10% respectively.

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Peter, let me start with showing you a more appropriate model summary overview for this essay. What you have provided is good, but not sufficient nor properly formatted:

Two separate charts have been supplied for comparison analysis. The information contained in these charts relate to the weight assessment of the people living in Charleston in 1995 and 2015. The participants came from the 20 to 69 age group. The weight was assessed in terms of percentage. The population was represented in terms of being underweight, ideal, overweight, and obese.

When you write these essays that have an age bracketing system present in the chart, you must use the specific ages instead of inferences such as "the youngest" and "the oldest" group. The information provided is essential to the analysis because it is assumed that the reader will not be able to see these charts and they will rely on your report for accuracy. Normally analysis essays are used in writing research papers so the reason for information accuracy is self explanatory.

Hi Peter, let me show what you are supposed to improve. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.
Firstly, if you want to impress the examiner in the first paragraph, you should pick an interesting trend up to be written as an overview. For instance, "It is important to note that in both periods, elderly people aged between 60 -69 years suffer most of disproportionate weight". After that, you avoid giving your opinion. "most of people from all age categories are healthy as it indicates that". That sentence indicated that you offered the personal view. Be of careful of this because your job in this task is to describe and to compare the figures, not to conclude them. You could not conclude that if they have the ideal weight, they are healthy because many factors should be so met so that the condition happens.

Following this, there tended to describe listing the data. You have to have a bravery to compare the figures. I only remain you that one of the essential prompts is comparing description.Hopefully, my suggestions can help you. GOOD LUCK for the next writing.