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Why People Must Living In Different Zones

Ejepe 7 / 4 1  
Oct 7, 2015   #1
In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These day, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

The world nowadays is changing, mankind tend to move from one place to another place, this looks like a novel way of life. In contrast, for elderly people who has lived in 3 decades ago, they spent all time in the similar area. However, both of ways brings a lot of benefits and drawbacks. In my points of view, living in different zone give more advantages in life.

The principal merits of people live in permanent place is togetherness in society where everyone know well each others. They put full credibility in their community with the result that they feel safety and easier to reach common goal. They local government also will more easily to control demeanor every members. In addition, living in same location also offers life experience hereditarily, they have ability to predict natural disaster and how to face it. For example, Badui tribe in Banten, Indonesia.

Nevertheless, despite several benefits are offered from staying all time in unchanged zone, apparently, it brings drawback too. The villagers who dwell permanent area tend to undeveloped since their life is been busy with common activities everyday. Whereas, mankind who live as nomadic people have rich experiences and more bravely to face the future. They also have large view and acquaintanceship everywhere. This effect encourage them to get better life and become successful people in following time.

To conclude, although both ways of life, living in similar place or moving from one place to another place give a lot of advantages, living in different area offers rich experience. If individuals want to grow up and feel novel experience, they should living in different zones.

hasbi 29 / 42 23  
Oct 7, 2015   #2
your writing is very good, but i'm sad to say that:

before you writing, you should understand the task, what the question, what you should do?

in introduction your thesis statement solely cover one aspect of topic. only advantages. are the drawbacks neglected?

For example, Badui tribe in Banten, Indonesia. what happen in the are?
your explanation totally not clear in first of the body paragraph.
and there is no effect and conclusion in your paragraph.

your as a whole using multiple idea paragraph.!

in introduction you solely mention about advantages, not disadvantages..
so, why you mention in second body paragraph.?

please consider about these matters.

good luck
Clark Kent 20 / 23 6  
Oct 7, 2015   #3
Hi Ejepe.
Actually you have good ideas about this essay, but unfortunately you did not explain it clearly. You have to know exactly the pattern that you use and make sure it's totally true. As far as i know, you used 'one idea' for the first body (second paragraph), but you did not give a conclusion of it. Then the second body (third paragraph) you used multiple idea, but unfortunately you did not mention an example for each idea that you have written.

I usually use this pattern, maybe you can try it.
First pattern (One Idea)
Main idea (Mention one idea)
Explanation (give an explanation about your main idea)
Example (give an example according to your explanation)
Conclusion (always remember to give a conclusion if you use one idea pattern)

Second pattern (Multiple Idea)
Main idea (mention one main idea)
Supporting idea (mention at least 2 ideas that support main idea)
Explanation (Explain your supporting idea)
Example (give example for each supporting idea)
You do not have to give a conclusion if you use multiple ideas.

See the different of these patterns.
I hope it will help you writing for the next essay.


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