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People living in large cities face many problems in their everytime life.


tamnguyenx 1 / 1  
Feb 16, 2019   #1
People living in large cities face many problems in their everytime life.What are these problems ?Should goverment encourage people to move to small regional town?

not so easy life in an urban area



Life is becoming more and more difficult these days,especially in the hustle and bustle of city life which leads to many problems that why i think goverment should take action to make cities be more livable.Encouraging people to move to small regional town may be one of the best solutions for problems in the cities.

As we all know that cities' citizens have to face many problems such as the increasing of environmental pollution like water,air and noise pollution which affect directly to their health and their life span.Accidents which are caused by traffic jam for getting sleepy when driving make cities even more dangerous.People also find its hard to get a job in city and as we can guess there will be many people who are unemployed engage in criminal activities as a way of making money, this poses a threat to people living in these cities.Moreover living in urban is not cheap at all, its difficult for people with low salary or no job to pay for rent and utility bills as a result, many people are found living in the sheds,garages and outhouses even under the bridges.People who have job are also not positive because they have to work hard under constantly pressure due to high workloads.

For all above i have just mentioned, i think its necessary that people should be encouraged to move to rural area.When people scatter to rural area properly,there will be various problems be solved such as traffic jam which reduces a great amount of urban citizens' stress for not having to crow on the street or environmental pollution thar lead to better citizen's health, Lacking of job is also be solve because there are enough works for people in certain area and more and more problems can be solve.But to make this happen i think government should create good conditions for people who are willing to relocate such as financial support.Goverment should invest more money in rural infrastructure and facilities to attract more people.They also should propaganda to let people know the benefit of rural life such as peaceful that is good for their health... or help they understand why these area are not developed because of skill labour shortage... Finally the problems would be tackled both rural and urban citizen will get benifit.

Thanks for your checking <3
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 16, 2019   #2
Hi, I think your introduction could have been more clear. This is a two part prompt, so your thesis statement needs to have two parts - 1. the problems people face in cities 2. your opinion on encouraging people to move to small towns. I think you did address both of these, but it could have been more clear and better organized.

I think your body paragraphs were organized better, with one paragraph giving the problems and the second showing why you support encouraging migration. You did have a lot of small grammar errors. Most importantly, please please put a space after every period - it makes your essay quite hard to read without them and it is such an easy correction to make. Also, always capitalize the word "I". And finally, watch out for your run-on sentences. In several places I have shown you where to begin new sentences. Here are some specific suggestions:

... problems in their [everyday lives]. What are these problems ?Should [governments] encourage people ...regional [towns]?

... leads to many problems[. That is] why[ I] think [governments] should take ... cities be more livable. {The prompt says nothing about making cities more livable. In the intro, only address statements and questions made in the prompt.} Encouraging ... to small regional towns

...As we all know, that cities' citizens

... noise pollution which directly affect directly to their health ... ... caused by traffic jam for getting sleepy {this is confusing - are traffic jams causing drivers to get sleepy? In any case, this seems too specific of a problem}

...People also find [it] hard to get a job in [cities] and as we can ... who are unemployed [engaging] in criminal ... way of making [money. This] poses a threat ...

...Moreover living in urban [areas] is not cheap at [all. It is] difficult for people with low [salaries] or no job ... utility [bills. As] a result, ... and outhouses[, or] even ... People who have jobs are also not ... hard under [constant] pressure due ...

For all[the above reasons I] have just mentioned,

...encouraged to move to rural areas.When people scatter {"scatter" has a negative connotation and so is not suitable in this positive context} to rural area properly, [various problems will] be solved such as traffic [jams,] which ... not having to [crowd] on the ... pollution [that leads] to better citizen's health, {in your sentence it sounds like you are saying traffic jams reduce stress and that pollution leads to better health} [Lacking a job will also be solved] because there [is enough work] for people in certain areas and more ... can be solved.

...They also should use propaganda {"propaganda" has a negative connotation and should not be use in this positive context - maybe "advertising" or "publicity campaigns"} to let people ... such as[its peacefulness and that it ] is good ... {don't use ellipses like this in formal essays} or help [them] understand why these areas are not developed because of [a shortage of skilled labor.] Finally ... will get [benefit]. {this is not a proper conclusion. "Finally" should not be used to introduce a conclusion - it is used for your final reason}
OP tamnguyenx 1 / 1  
Feb 17, 2019   #3
Thanks you so much for you advices. Hope you have a nice day <3
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 17, 2019   #4
You are welcome. Please remember that "advice" is non-countable singular, so it should be "Thank you so much for your advice."


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