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IELTS ESSAY: People in the past used to be more dependent on one another



gtamani 6 / 13  
Nov 23, 2013   #1
People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree?

Our society has been undergoing the massive transformation in recent years. The change in work culture and proliferation of information technology network has been has been the major catalyst for change in behavioral patterns of people. To certain extent, these changes have contributed to erode the core values and ideals such as relationship, family bonding that the previous generation used to abide by. I believe decreasing trend of being dependent on one another is a part of this phenomenon.

No doubt people are being more individualistic in nature than previous generations. In my view, such behavioral change is partly due to the economic transition, particularly from agricultural based economy to the modern economy dominated by information technology networks. In earlier generations, people used to live with extended families. Such arrangement had immediate benefits to the family- larger the family was, less were the capital and the labor required during the harvest season. Consequently, individual members of the families had little to gain not being part of the family member.

However, the shift from agricultural based economy to modern economy dominated by high tech industries opened the door to myriad of opportunities to people. Most of these opportunities provided the individual with more pay and social status but demanded more time and attention. Additionally, the rapid globalization and the dynamic and competitive business environment further worsen the situation. With the larger pool of available labor, labor market has been far more competitive. This demands individual to invest significant amount of the time to keep oneself abreast with the technology so as to ensure the skills doesn't get outdated. All these takes away the leisure time and the time to get social with friend, family and other member of society, and eventually makes individual to live alone and secluded life.

In conclusion, the social norms and the values of our earlier generation are largely eroded due to the structural shift in our society. Indeed, this same trend has encouraged people to live an independent life away from their friends and family.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 26, 2013   #2
Our society has been undergoing the massive transformation in recent years.

This sounds pretty vague :( What sort of transformation it undergoes? Remember, this is your hook statement that needs to capture the reader's attention towards your writing. So, it should be more catchy :)

The change in work culture and proliferation of information technology network has been has been the major catalyst for change in behavioral patterns of people.

.... Well this too is taking the reader's attention in a bit different direction. You can have the opening sentence (the hook) a bit more general (but it also should be relevant to the topic) and this second line should quickly start introducing your argument in its real sense.


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