[TOEFL] Some people prefer travelling alone; 'meet other traveler'

Travelling is becoming an essential demand of every people. They can take trips by many ways such as trips with tour guides or trips planned by their selves. Personally, I prefer travelling in a packed tour because the tour is planned so I just enjoy my trip and I can meet other travelers during the trip.

First of all, the tour is planned by the travel agency so I just enjoy my trip. The place I go, the food I eat, the hotel I live in, all of them are well-organized and I do not need to worry about anything related to the trip. I just enjoy every moment of the trip and follow the plan of the tour guide. For example, I booked a tour to DaLat last year in a designed tour. I only needed to pay money to the travel agency and then I would have the plan and the rout. I had a wonderful trip and did not think about where to go and what to eat. The trip lasted for four days and I went to many famous interesting places in DaLat such as the Love Valley, the city flower garden, etc. My experience of going in a packed trip shows that going in a trip which is planned by the tourist company is the best way to feel relaxed during the tour.

In addition, when going in a tour with group of people, I will meet other travelers and make friends with them. You can have many friends after the tour and share your feeling with them as well. For instance, my mom and dad had a tour to Thailand last month and they told me that they met other parents whose children are at the same age with me. They became friends and usually talked about the experience in teaching the children. My parents said that there are many useful ways for them to apply on me. After the trip, my parents and other travelers sometimes assemble in a coffee shop at weekend to talk about interesting stories. In short, when you travel in group, you can have new friends and the friendship will last even after the trip.

To sum up, I prefer travelling in group to travelling alone, because of the planned trip and new friends. More and more people nowadays have the travel agency plan their trips and they feel very interested in going in the trips like these.

.... :every people is wrong because "people" is a plural word.
every person / all people


... "packed tour" is not the appropriate phrase. It means the group is packed with so many people. I guess you try to mean a tour package that comes with so many travel features. So, let say it like this;

Personally, I prefer to travel in a group that is arranged by a tour operator because I do not have to worry about planning the tour as well as I get the opportunity to meet many interesting people from various parts of the world.

ok thanks very much. what about the body?

Ok... let's have a look at your first body paragraph;


What is the reason behind this justification? It is that you do not need to put effort for planing your trip and you can simply hand over that to a third party and enjoy your tour. So, give more emphasis to your reason;

First of all, arranged tours are very convenient and comfortable since the travel agent looks after the part of planning the tour and meeting all travel needs with regard to accommodation and transportation.


This is a very good example, but I feel you should not go into such detail. The reason is that you need to manage time and if you drag on one idea it may not help you with time management. So, skim the essential part that you need to tell.

Ok. I understand. What about the second paragraph and the conclusion. Can people here help me correct integrated writing of toefl?

.... this is pretty good. You start with the reason as to why you like to travel in a group and then explain on that a bit. Then support your reason with an example. Here are my suggestion for the first two lines;

In addition, when you travel in a group, you have the opportunity to meet new people who are your fellow travelers and make friends with them. Such networking opportunities are very useful in life and certainly help broadening our perspectives.


I wish you took the last line off as it does not really make much sense. This is my suggestion for the highlighted section;
...because of the convenience and networking opportunities that group tours do offer.

Thank you very much. I wrote the last sentence because my teacher taught me that in the conclusion, it needs a sentence that like a comment (may be off-topic) for the topic. However, I appreciated for the comment of you. Moreover, can you help me correct my integrated writing in TOEFL ibt

Yes, it is nicer if you finish with a concluding statement that reinforces your position. However, the one you've written fails to do its job and that is why I asked you to remove it. This is my suggestion for such sentence;

These features not only allow us to enjoy the tour with more comfort and ease, but also enable us make life long friendships with very interesting people.

ok I understand. What about the integrated writing, can you help me with this

sure :)

ok. I just need to send a reading passage, the lecture and my essay, ok?

It's better not to repeat same words from your thesis statement in your topic sentence.