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Many people regret that they had not attended a university, but none regret that have a degree



adalumi 5 / 13  
Apr 10, 2009   #1
Hi everybody,

This is my first toefl essay and I will be glad if somebody will find time to give me a feed-back.

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

People attend university for different reasons like new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge, to meet new people, to be specialized in a field, to change the city that they were born in, to make their parents proud, to be out of the parents' eyes and many, many other reasons.

As human beings, we are programmed to establish goals in our life. One of the goals is the career or how we will earn the income and at what standard we want to live. If we want a high level income and life then is necessary to choose a university or a college. Why? Because only if you are professional in the field that you want to practice then your income and life-level will be high.

Not all the teenagers that choose to enroll in a university or college know very well what they want to do with their life so their goals are not too specific. Then, they must be motivated by other reasons. One reason can be just to get out of the small towns or villages that they were born in and to go into a big city with so many opportunities. Imagine what a life...new friends from different backgrounds, clubs, parties, freedom (the parents are not there). Maybe you just dream to know other society than yours...well, the borders are open now, and you can study in your dream country or society.

Another reason to attend university is the level of knowledge that your are exposed to. Every day the amount of knowledge is getting bigger, more specific with each level. So many opportunities are open in your face, specialties that you did not know before. Is impossible not to find something that you like...molecular physics, behavior analysis, a philosopher that you agree with, genetic science etc. The environment will take you to the highest level. You just need to choose the field.

Finally, one of the most common reasons to attend a university is the family. It is more probable that, if you come from an intellectual family to attend university. It is a fact that the parental model is very important in the way you choose to live your life. The percentage of teenagers that attend university is much higher in intellectual families than in families where parents do not have degrees. Many persons attend university for the sake of their parents.

There are many reasons to attend university. I think in these days everybody can attend a university. You can take a loan or you can attend different programs and foundations, or your grades will speak for you and you can win a grant or a bursary. I am sure that there are many persons who regret that they had not attended a university, but none to regret that have a degree.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Apr 11, 2009   #2
This whole first paragraph is all one sentence. Maybe you should give that first paragraph a few sentences:

People attend university for various reasons, like seeking new experiences, preparing for a career, increasing knowledge, meeting new people, specializing in a field, changing the city that they were born in, making their parents proud, to be out of the parents' eyes and many, many other reasons.

That (above) was alright before I changed it, but I am just showing you how to make it better.

This essay is great, great English. It is better English than some people who grew up speaking English. However, I disagree with this part below:

I think in these days everybody can attend a university. You can take a loan or you can attend different programs and foundations, or your grades will speak for you and you can win a grant or a bursary.

You are only thinking of people in some parts of the world; this statement is not true of people in many places. Also, it is not relevant to the focus of the essay. The essay is about WHY people attend, and it is not about whether or not people are able to attend.
OP adalumi 5 / 13  
Apr 11, 2009   #3
thank you very much kevin.
yeah, my english got better because i.m living in United States for like 2 years. anyway, tonight i will post another one (i hope). once again Thank you


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