Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the growth of a country.

how big is the role of education in a country's development?

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is generally believed that Education plays an only crucial role in a country development. While this view is true to some extent, I would argue that there is a wide range of other factors contributing to the development of a country.

On the one hand, there are grounds for people to believe that education is a key to develop a nation. Advanced education is the main drive of the decline of common society issues including low unemployment and illiterate people rate. This leads to the high job opportunities for almost citizens and reduces the risk of cime in the future. Additionally, investing in a growing education system will make a contribution to generate more highly skillful workforce. The knowledgeable and potential employees working in a variety of other sectors are more likely to boost the development of these sectors, which could be associated with nation growth.

On the other hand, I would contend that a wide range of other factors should be considered to be of great benefits to a nation growth and one of them is health. Compared to the past, good healthcare system today contributes to have healthier residents, resulting in the significantly increasing productivity of the labours. Another crucial factor would be technology as it plays a vital role in the development of a nation in this modern era. For instance, cutting-edge equipments such as tractors and planters is considerably beneficial to agricultural countries for their farming activities, which would be more productive as opposed to old-fashioned methods.

In conclusion, I disagree that only education contributes to a country growth.I believe that the development of a nation can be obtained if people are also able to improve other fields well such as health and technology.

@educator0402
Hello,

Your introduction does not state clearly your opinion. "While this view is true to some extent, I would argue that there is a wide range of other factors contributing to the development of a country." means you agree or disagree with "education system is the only critical factor to the development of a country."?

There are some minor spelling mistakes such as "crime" - not "cime" and wrong usage of "the" such as "knowledgeable and potential employees" - not "the knowledgeable and potential employees".

Hi @educator0402
Your structure is clear, but be careful when choosing words. Here are some corrections:
- illiteracy is better than illiterate people rate
- opportunities for almost most citizens
- contributes to have healthier residents

There are repetitive words such as development, productive or factors that can be replaced with synonyms: enhancement, effective and elements/categories.

Beside all things mentioned, the focus of each paragraph is clear, so that's a plus.

Hope you do well!

@educator0402
Hello there. I apologize for the delay. But I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on your essay. I hope you come back and find all of our feedback beneficial to your writing endeavors!

Firstly, I agree with the others that you need to work on the overall clarity of text. You had quite a handful of generalized sentiments. This made you miss out on critical details that could have assisted you along the way.

I would also personally suggest incorporating more concrete examples throughout your essay. For example, try to have this after your initial thesis introduction per paragraph. Doing so will make your essay appear to have more depth.

Aside from that, I think you have quite a clear-cut approach to writing. Just ensure your content is up to date - and you'll go a long way.

Best of luck as always!