Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people's lives. Do you agree?

Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people's lives.

Do you agree?

Write an essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view.
Notes Write about:
1. whether people's appearance is important
2. the price of clothes
3. ........................ (your own idea)

It is said that people's lives nowadays are affected very badly by the fashion industry. I think there are three main reasons that cause this issue, include the importance of people's appearance, the cost of types of clothes, and the materials that are made into clothes.

To start with, it is undeniable that clothes play an important role in forming people's appearance, which makes people take pride in and be more confident in themselves. Therefore, many individuals usually take care of their looks too much in both work and social life like what types of shirts or pants should be worn, or even they criticize someone else just by his or her appearance. They seem to forget everything around them, and they do not realize that clothes just make people more beautiful outside but not inside.

Secondly, earning their living is not easy, but many people have a tendency of fashion, especially they do not care for the price of clothes. This leads to spend too much time and money on buying so many kinds of clothes, even some of them are too expensive and unsuitable for their normal lives.

Lastly, there are a huge variety of clothing stores in the world from a small shop to a famous store. However, people rarely pay much attention to what the clothes are from. In another word, some kinds of clothes are made from wild animal's skin, and even endangered animals. It is illegal and the special wild animals become extinct.

In conclusion, people are suffering from the disastrous effects of the fashion industry because of three causes that are given.

i think in your introduction, you should directly give your opinion "agree or not"

When you write an opinion essay, you have to show that you have a total belief in what you are saying. That means, you should avoid using words of uncertainty such as "i think". Remember, that creates doubt in your opinion. You need a strong voice of conviction when presenting your reasons because those will be the basis of your response to the question. By the way, even though the outline did not provide the instruction, you should really present a response to the question being asked. Just so you can clearly deliver your opinion to the reader. That, is another reason why you cannot use words that make it appear that you are not really supportive of a specific idea in the essay.

Though the English grammar is not perfect, you get your ideas across to the reader in a manner that is understandable. However, you tend to write run-on sentences, limiting your ability to use a wide range of sentence structures and punctuation marks. You need to learn how to properly develop the simple and complex sentence presentations in your essay. Also, make sure you meet the proper 3 sentence minimum per paragraph for a better balance in your discussion. The second reasoning paragraph could use some more thought and explanation development.

Avoid using a single sentence for your conclusion. Always do a complete recap of your previous discussion so that you can properly repeat your opinion as the closing sentence of the essay. That is how the reverse paraphrase is written as a the concluding paragraph for this type of essay.

you should condense "there are three main ..." to become "three main reasons cause", using gerund "including", the verb "are" does not agree with the subject such as"there are a huge variety of clothing stores"