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Some people say international sports events help in world peace. Agree or disagree?

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Jun 8, 2017   #1
Some people say international sports events help in world peace. Agree or disagree?

danger at multinational sport events

According to some, global athletics events will have a positive outcome in world peace. In my opinion, I disagree that international sports events have any effect on world peace as it's a great opportunity to terrorist and we cannot underestimate the losses impact which could be influenced by the displeasure people in the country.

A good reason to international sports events cannot help in world peace is that any large international event is being targeted by terrorism in the past fifteen years. In other words, the global sports event is a good chance to gather people together and celebrating their favourite athlete and country. However, it is also a great potential risk to citizens as terrorists are aiming crowded places to attack proving their existence and superiority.

Another point on the global sports events are not influencing a better world is that losses can be difficult to some people who loved their beloved country. According to research, about 85 percent of people who being violence after a sports event are the supporters of the loss team. Moreover, they cannot accept the result and then would engage violent to local shops and harm the citizens to satisfy their anger. Consequently, it would escalate the violation up to a national security challenge.

Finally, international sports events can be horrifying even in celebration. Particularly, alcoholics are easy to get offended or emotional by the conversation or the vibe. Therefore, a normal chat can turn into a tragic incident. As a result, police will get involve and arrest them.

In conclusion, International sports events can lead to radical people violate the laws and more importantly, there is a great risk of being attack by terrorist.

Word: 281

Thanks in advance!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4807  
Jun 8, 2017   #2
CJ, you have the potential to become a good essayist. You have a good handle on the background of international sports events and why it is a bad idea to mount such things these days. The only problem is that you are unable to coherently and cohesively present your reasoning. This is more than evident in the opening statement where you were doing a good job of introducing the topic until you wore the last part starting from " by the displeasure of the people of the country." Prior to saying that you need to establish the reason why the people would be displeased in the first place. So a lack of subject in the sentence created a scattered thought process in your introduction. While I realize that you tried to meet the maximum 5 paragraph requirement of the essay, you failed to develop a complete 4th and 5th paragraph in this instance. You took shortcuts in discussing the ideas that you presented which resulted in an incomplete thought process and presentation yet again. This is clearly seen in paragraph 4 where you did not clarify the discussion you presented with the basis of the action that people would be taking. Remember, each paragraph needs to present a cause and effect in this type of essay. Finally, the concluding statement doesn't work at all because it does not properly sum up the previous discussion, which is all that is expected of a concluding paragraph in these cause and effect type of essay.

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