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People disagree with a school policy which forces children to learn new language. IELTS2

wyzbui 2 / 5 2  
Jul 5, 2019   #1


Topic: Many people disagree with a school policy which forces children to learn new language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The issue whether government should encourage students to learn more and more different languages still remains debatable. Some people claim that learning languages is unnecessary and time-wasted. While skeptics hold the belief that studying new languages is the foundation for the later future. While learning languages brings children lots of benefits, I believe that such a policy should not be made compulsory.

On the one hand, the habit of studying new languages has positive effects on students' school-life. These days, learning language is becoming similiar to humans, which derives from the merging of both oriental and western idea. Therefore, a variety of language curriculums have been given to meet the demands of humans, especially Vietnamese parents' students. The academic managers may find a series of benefits for this phenomenon. With the labour market becoming increasingly competitive, studying new language such as English plays a crucial role on pursuing a sense of job security. Having a international certificate in language, people may find far from difficult to apply for studying abroad with scholarships or have the best job prospects. There are thousands of companies requires a language international qualification, which results in having paid higher salary than people who don't have one.

On the other hand, I would argue that students should not be forced to learn a new language that they don't genuinely need. This is a particularly case for those who don't have the aim to study abroad or work in a international office. It has never been easy for students to get used to learning a new language which they don't see the point of doing it. With students having no hunger for learning a new language, they would soon become bored and distract from their learning purposes. Students should be given the choices for learning new language or not. There is no need to force children do what they don't want to do. A so-called society is the one to respect the young's voices.

All things considered, I strongly believe that new language should not become a compulsory subject. Only by pursuing their favorite subjects, can students form their educational perspective comprehensively.

If there are any mistakes of grammar, ideas, vocabulary in my essay. Please do not hesitate to tell
I'm glad to hear you feedbacks!
bubbles117 2 / 7 1  
Jul 5, 2019   #2
I think you have a clear thesis sentence like 'Personally, I partly agree with the aforementioned statement' if you want a higher band score in Task achievement.
OP wyzbui 2 / 5 2  
Jul 5, 2019   #3
oh thank you, but where is rational position should I put that sentence?
bubbles117 2 / 7 1  
Jul 6, 2019   #4
I think should replace the sentence 'While learning .... made compulsory' by the sentence like 'In my opinion/ In my point of view/ Personally, I partly agree with the former statement.'
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jul 6, 2019   #5
Hi there!

Here's some feedback on your writing.

Firstly, you have unnecessarily long sentences that take up irrelevant space that could be allocated to add more depth. instead of using so many fillers, focus on incoporating more examples to your writing. Don't just mention vague concepts and stories. Try to actualize the concepts by using more descriptive words to allocate meaning to your writing. Bear this in mind.

Furthermore, your general grammar can be improved if you focus more on adding terms that have structure. Focus on incorporating organized thoughts as opposed to merely filling in space for your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Home / Writing Feedback / People disagree with a school policy which forces children to learn new language. IELTS2
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