Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


Some people think that a factory will bring many risks to the area they live in.



Wilby 1 / -  
Apr 28, 2017   #1
A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your locality.

controversial project



There are strong arguments in support of both points of views. Some people think that the factory near them located will have many risks. Other thinks that it will have only benefits for their commune. Who is it right? I think it's no easy discuss.

But I have a clear position concerning this question. I think a building of a large factory near living area arranged it's no good idea. There are a number of reasons for this. First of all I believe that people should live in healthy and quite area. It's very important condition for long and happy live and many studies confirmed it.

The same is true about a good ecology. Nearness of a big factory may lead to aggravation environmental conditions. The factory will break the calm and clear atmosphere of area by means of sound pollution, air pollution, water pollution etcetera.

Nevertheless, of course, it have a few strong benefits. First, the workplaces will be created for many people. Second, people will not waste for long time to commute to work. But in our days, when majority working at home this benefits aren't so actuality.

To sum up, a building of a large factory near living area have a strong risks. On the whole, risks are more strong than benefits.

Tai 2 / 2  
Apr 29, 2017   #2
Hi, I think you shouldn't add personal opinions, because the topic doesn't ask about personal opinions. Therefore, you just write by using people, they or citizens instead of I, We.

Plus, your conclusion should have at least 3 sentences.
Don't put But and So when you want to start a sentence or a paragraph.
That's based on my opinion.
syamsiahRahim 9 / 15  
May 1, 2017   #3
hi Wilby

I will give you some feedback

I think it's no easy (to)discuss
it have(has)a few strong benefits (pay attention with subject and verb agreement)

at home this (these) benefits

abuilding of a large factory near living area have (has)

risks are more strong (stronger)
I think you should pay attention on your paragraphing, I think must add the evidence for your explanation because you paragraphing is lack information.
Reza_Hidayat 13 / 18  
May 1, 2017   #4
@Wilby
In my point of view, you express a position but you present less supporting ideas to emphasize your position, and you have presented relevant main idea but some may be inadequately developed. It is better for you to extent your idea. Furthermore, you should pay attention with grammar. In addition, you use a limited range of vocabulary and limited range of structure.


Home / Writing Feedback / Some people think that a factory will bring many risks to the area they live in.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳