Some people think that life will be easier if there are fewer language

Please give me some feedbacks for my IELTS Writing Task 2
WRITING TASK 2 IELTS ( WRITING 2)

Extincting languages

Ever year, several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages. Give your opinion.

Many people are convinced that it is a waste of time to pay attention to the languages which are likely to be extinct. From my perspective, trying to preserve these languages have both advantages and disadvantages to a certain extent.

On the one hand, saving these languages has variable benefits at varying degrees. The most important reason is that protecting languages of ethnic minorities synonyms with maintaining the diversity of our culture, which is a national issue and the government should bear the responsibility. Languages have an extremely close connection to our traditions, religions, society and what we had obtained in the past. If these languages disappear, scientists will have difficulties in doing research about the life in the past, which means some valuable resources will be buried forever.

On the other hand, there are several reasons that prevent the government from investing money in conserving minority languages. It is reasonable that people assessed those as unnecessary languages because these languages are peculiar to a small amount of the ethnic minorities living in some isolated area. If these languages run the risk of extinction or even being disappeared, nothing will change in our social life since more popular languages have greater influences on the world like English. More importantly, a more substantial number of social issues deserve adequate funding from the government than less well-known languages. For instance, diseases are those which have a directly impact on the human and it will be unfair to pay for languages while ignoring human demands.

In conclusion, it is quite vital for every countries to cater money for protecting languages of ethnic minorities whereas the government should not spend money preserving all languages but investing in finding solutions for social issues.

(My actual writing essay contains 289 words)

Ngoc, why are you focused on the government responsibility in preserving languages when the essay is asking you to discuss if you agree that having fewer languages in the world, not just in your country, will be more beneficial? You have narrowed down the focus of the discussion to be only within your country when you are being asked for an international point of view / opinion for the discussion. This is not and advantage/disadvantage, nor an extent essay. This is a direct opinion essay that requires you to decide whether you agree that allowing international languages to become extinct will be more beneficial for the world. It is not about language preservation, it is about how the world will be easier to live in because people will, in the future, be speaking common languages instead.

Think of this essay in terms of the business world. The international business community has become smaller and easier to navigate for businessmen who study languages. The business languages are English, Spanish, French, and Chinese (Mandarin, Cantonese, Fookien, etc.). As such, it has become easier for businessmen to travel the world and discuss with their counterparts. This is evidence that having fewer languages will benefit society in general.

This is the main reason why I believe that you did not appropriately discuss the prompt requirement. You focused on the wrong argument in the essay which means you did not totally understand what the prompt was asking you to do.

Thank you soo much to give me such helpful advice. I will check my essay again and try to correct all the mistakes. I will write another essay that focus directly into the prompt requirement.