IELTS Writing Task 1: people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain

Could you please kindly help review the grammar and give suggestions? Thanks in advance!

distribution of visitors in the pie chart

The pie chart compares the proportions of individuals who visited 4 kinds of tourist attractions in the UK in1999 based on the results of a survey.

It can be told from the chart that majority of people in Britain visited Theme park, museums or galleries in 19999, while the figure for people who visited wildlife park and Zoos was the least.

The percentage of people who visited theme parks is the highest, at 38%. Among this group of people, nearly half of them chose to go to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. And percentages of those who went to Alton Towers and Pleasureland, Southport are 17% and 16% respectively. Apart form that, the figures for people who chose Chessington World of Adventures and Legoland, Windsor are identical, only 10%.

The figure for people who visited Museums and Galleries is the second highest, at 37%, while people who visited Historic houses and Monuments are 21% less. Finally, only 9% of individuals visited Wildlife Parks and Zoos.

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Hi, I have some comments on your essay and I hope it'll be helpful. You can use the number of people, tourists, visitors to avoid repeating word "people". You can also replace "chose to go", "went to" by visited, came to

Your report is based on information accuracy. There is no reference to a survey being taken in the pie chart. It would be best not to include information that cannot be found in the image or original instructions for accuracy purposes. The image description is actually incomplete. There is also a bar chart to consider that indicates the amusement parks that the Brits visited. The summary overview is therefore, incomplete. There are 2 images presented. The pie and bar chart. Each chart should have received a specific presentation regarding information contained within. Additionally, this particular presentation requires 2 trending sentences. One for the pie chart and one for the bar chart. Information accuracy is important in a task 1 essay. Never omit any descriptions, identify all of the images presented individually and then within its own paragraphs in the stand alone paragraph presentation.

Hi, I read your essay and here is my comment, hope that it will be helpful. First, because there are 2 graph presented, you should give 2 overall sentences in your essay. Second, there are several words you can use to replace "people who visited" such as "tourists" and "visitors". Also, you can also replace "choose to go" or "went to" by "visited" and "came to".

Your paragraph do not have the conclusion, I believe you can make better score by adding the concluding paragraph.