Writing task 2: people nowadays often work too much - why is that?

In some countries people spend long hours at work.

Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development
Nowadays, the world is more and more rapidly developing, which leads to a busy life to devote to the process growth. People of some countries often have the trend of spending lots of hours working. Although this could bring many advantaged to society and development all over the world, there are various existences of disadvantages.

At first, the reason is that people early recognize the importance of development, integration, potential opportunities, etc in the modern era. This can help them touch special dreams that I have never seen before. Everyone always has a desire to devote and set up a valuable world. Therefore, they try the best by working hard and spending more time.

On the one hand, the harder and more productive people work, the more the living standard could be enhanced. They take a huge role to contribute to the improvement in plenty of sectors. For example, scientists usually work day and night to create useful inventions and innovations that help human's life become effortless to get access to the new world. Thereby, applying the achievement as a background, we can go further, the living standard would be no longer what people pass down from generation to another one.

On the other hand, when the job takes too much time, the lack of balance would obviously appear. Some people even do not have free time for family, relatives, and themselves. Definitely, the relationships turn out to be out of side, out of mind. The emotion would be drought then people gradually become self-contained, avoid to have the communication with others. Besides, this can result in mental illness and damage deeply to the healthy. So, we should arrange a suitable time to equalize the life.

In conclusion, because of the importance of the world development, people work day and night. Although this could improve the living standard, the imbalance in life is also a problem.

I realized that my essay is now too long, can you give me a cure?

May be you should try other structures for this essay if i said this was too long; this essay is about 316 words, and i believe that it was more okay than just reach the limitation.

You can take a look on the IELTS this website may help.
I think you could have merged the second and the third paragraph then give the more overall example for it.