IELTS WRITING: WHY DO SOME PEOPLE WORK HARD? IS IT ALWAYS A GOOD THING TO WORK HARD?

In education and employment, some people work hard than others.

Why do some people work hard? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

These days, it is undeniable that some people are extremely studious and workaholic while others prefer not to exceed a certain limit. There are myriads of reasons for those attitudes to work and in my opinion, having a passion for work is estimable, whereas a hectic schedule of work would lead to some demerits.

There are three main causes encouraging people to work hard. Some people work extra shifts to receive a higher salary. They believe that they could earn a better living with more money and buy comforts for themselves and their families. Moreover, being hard-working could increase their chance of getting promotions and recognition, which is very beneficial to their career paths. Additionally, there are people passionate about their careers and work. They could work without paying any attention to the passing time to earn higher social status.

However, working hard could bring some adverse results. To begin with, people doing extra shifts, especially night shifts, could be under work pressure, so they are more likely to commit mistakes. As a result, they would make a huge loss to their company and be dismissed from their jobs. In addition, people would not have enough time for their families and friends if they spend all their days at work. Consequently, arguments could arise between partners in their relationships. Moreover, they do not give time to take care of themselves due to hectic working schedules, so physical and mental health problems such as stress would ensue.

In conclusion, working hard allows people to achieve their career goals and earn a better living. Nevertheless, it would be a risk worth taking if people work without caring about their health and their families.

Providing direct topic responses to the provided questions will result in a higher TA score. This is because direct responses, based on topic presentations (not discussions yet) will result in a clearer opinion statement. That is one of the main scoring considerations that needs to be met.

Both paragraphs are responsive to the discussion questions. The evidences are related and create understandable explanations. The writer may want to consider less reasons in favor of 2 reasons only next time.That is to allow better connected explanations and examples to help meet the C + C considerations. While the reasons are good and connected, a clearer explanation and example combining the reasons would have been the best presentation format.

A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun without a preposition. Did you mean simply "all of their days "?

I think the writer has used a wide range of vocabulary, some words are really advanced. It is easy to understand while reading this essay.

@emily0306
One part of your introduction does not correlate with the task. The task asks you to discuss the reasons and your opinion. For me, it is good if you do not give 2 sides in your introduction part. You say "... while others prefer not to exceed a certain limit." I use this style when the task shows 2 views like Some people believe ...... but some people contend .........

The writer has a wide range of vocabulary and structures