WRITING TASK 1: The Percentage of Canadian workforce in five main industries

summarise the information from the graph

The bar chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the number of working people in five main industries in Canada in the year 1850 and 2020.

A closer look at the diagram highlights the fact that nowadays Canadian preferred to work in services and constructions industries rather than manufacturing, agriculture/fishing and energy/water fields.

In 1850, the percentage of Canadian workforces in manufacturing was above those of other fields, but it declined dramatically from 36% to just 9% in 2020. Agriculture and energy industries also showed a decrease in the proportion of employees who interested in those fields. The number of Canadian that had job related to agriculture fell considerably by 21% to become the industry that need the least workers, which was just 1%. Moreover, energy industry also have the same percentage of agriculture one in 2020, but it just dropped slightly by 2%.

The fields that attracted modern citizen more is services and construction. The proportion of working people in Canada chose services field increased significantly to 81% in 2020, 48% more than that in 1850. In addition to this, there was also a small rise in the number of people working in construction industry from 5% to 8% in 2020.

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The task 1 essay focuses on the ability of the writer to analyze and present the results of the measurement in a factual manner. His personal opinion should never be present in the report. Therefore, points will be deducted for any statement of fact stemming from a personal perspective such as


. That should be reworded to remove the reference to "highlight" and "fact". Referencing a trend in one of several ways would be more acceptable.

The writer should have completed this report within 175 words only since it is only a 20 minute task. The writer will be unable to complete more than 200 + words during the actual test. It is the writer's mistaken assumption that the word count will make him pass the test. Rather, it created constant redundancies in the presentation that indicate a lack of thought clarity and analytical ability along with problems in sentence formation. All of which recieve scores while the word count does not.

Hi there, I have a few suggestions for your essay. Hope it helps!

1. It's better to have 2 sentences for the overview to ensure the required minimun length of 150 words. In this case, I suggest stating 2 highest industries in 2 years

2. "... who interested in those fields" => "in those fields" is wordy since you stated the category before.
3. "The number of Canadian that ... => 3 mistakes in this sentence
- Use "percentage" instead of "number" because you are referring to %
- a job, singular noun must have an object before it
- Canadian => Canadians, the correct structure is "The number/percentage/proportion/... + of + plural nouns+..."