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Workforce motivation - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - AGREE OR DISAGREE


nghkmth 1 / -  
Aug 10, 2022   #1
There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It is believed that people are motivated to stay in the workforce by some elements, as well as money is considered the most crucial factor. Although people put a premium on salary in the workforce, I do not agree that money is the most essential reason as there are still some other elements that motivate people to stay in the workforce.

On the one hand, we can understand why money is an important factor. Money is an element that people notice when they apply for a job. More specifically, they are likely to look for a well-paid job and offer a high salary, and those who do that tend to stay in the workforce for a long time. In addition, people go to work to make money because it is needed for their daily life such as houses, clothes, food, and transportation. As a result, a high salary is a necessary element to have loyal staff.

Nevertheless, there are also several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce. Firstly, the environment and association in the workplace can affect people's work. Specifically, a place that has many arguments between co-workers, or the boss's criticism can influence the staff's productivity, and those lead them to leave a job. Secondly, people also decide to stay in the workforce based on their feelings as well as their passions. Take musicians and composers as an example, creativity and achievement in their field are more important than money, so money does not matter to them either stay or leave.

Overall, I disagree that money is the most important reason to stay in the workforce while there are some factors such as association, passions, and feelings that are also important.

(Could you please give feedback with the band descriptor? Thank you so much!)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,210 4317  
Aug 11, 2022   #2
The writer has not provided an originally worded prompt topic restatement. He used a clear cut and paste phrase from the original presentation and also did not work very hard to change several reference points within his essay. It still uses too many elements of the first version to receive a mark that satisfies the originality requirements of the paragraph. His opinion also does not represent the correct emotional or measured response as required by the discussion question. He did respond using an agree or disagree format but he did not provide the degree of response that is required. So he can only get low marks for this semi compliant opinion presentation.

His opinion is not properly supported in the discussion paragraphs since he used a comparative discussion and tried to provide reason for the opposing opinion, which ran counter to his provided opinion. As such the essay will be seen as improperly discussed / developed and will lose points due to this incorrect discussion format.


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