THE PERCENTAGE OF ELDERY CITIZEN IN THREE COUNTRIES
The bar chart illustrated the proportion of the aging population in 3 distinct years, 1998, 2000, and 2030 in 3 different countries namely the UK, Canada, and Germany.
Overall, it is patently obvious that the figure of the population over 65 in the UK and Canada experienced a volatility escalating trend during the period, while Germany witnessed the highest growth rate of the entire chart.
Looking at the given chart more vividly, the percentage of elderly people in Germany went through an impressive soar over the period, initiating at 15% in 1980, then leaping to over 5% in 2000 and predicted to surpass other countries up to 25% in 2030.
As the remaining countries, the figure for senior citizens of the UK was higher compared to those of Canada in 1980 with about 4%. By 2000, those of Canada saw a whopping skyrocket to 15%, and a similar fashion could be seen in the UK. In 2030, it is forecasted that Canada will have an increase in elderly population up to over 20% while overtaking those of the UK, whose number accounted for approximately 20%.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15470 The biggest problem the essay has is not the inaccuracy of the sentence structures, it is the way that you are constantly using intermediate and advanced English words in the wrong context. What do I mean by that? You do not use the words as the meaning applies to sentence ideas or thought presentations. While you do appear impressive when using such words, the native English speaker examiner will also note that you are using the words redundantly (e.g. patently obvious) or in an exaggerated manner (e.g. more vividly). Remember that you are writing a report and analysis paper, so over emphasis is not necessary. You need to be more factual in information presentation.
Your time frame reference is also a problem because you indicated that the measurements have already been completed when in reality, the measurements are still ongoing. This error occurred in the first sentence of the summary paragraph. Paragraphs are also composed of run on sentences which indicated a confused meaning for the reader so you need to learn to write coherent sentences / paragraphs as well.
The effort to achieve a well written essay is evident. However, the most basic errors to be found will result in a lower than expected score. The word count is acceptable and should have helped increase the final score had problems in discussion development were not present in the final presentation.
