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[IELTS] The percentage of female employees in major tech companies in the US


namibdesert  
Oct 12, 2017   #1
The chart below shows in percentage terms how female employees account for different roles at major tech companies in the United States.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

NOTE: Amazon does not give out information on its female tech workforce.

the percentage of women who works in american major tech companies



The provided chart illustrates the total amount of female employees and the type of work they do in large tech companies within the United States in percentage.

Overall, the percentage of female employees in tech companies varies considerably. The proportion of women who do technology-related job is remarkably small compared to that of leadership.

The company with the most female leaders and technology workers is PayPal, with 33% of their leaders and technology workers being female. While Twitter has almost the same percentage of female leaders, their amount of female technology workers is the smallest. It is also revealed that the lowest percentage of female workers belongs to Microsoft, which also has the lowest amount of female leaders.

To sum up, the percentage of women who works in American major tech companies is relatively small.





Holt [Contributor] 1503  
Oct 12, 2017   #2
Thi, this essay is terribly under the 150 minimum word count requirement. You only have 108 words. So this essay would get an automatic failing grade in the actual test. You need to make sure that you write at least 150 words to meet the minimum word requirement. That is not to be confused with the 3 sentence minimum for the individual paragraphs. The maximum sentence per paragraph is 5. In this instance, you do not have a threshed out summary overview and you do not accurately represent all of the numerical percentages, per company in your essay. It is important that you create an accurate paraphrase for the required discussion along with a representation of your understanding of the discussion instructions. At the end of the opening paragraph, make sure that you include the trending statement. It does not really have an impact as a short sentence at the end of the essay. That creates the most informative representation when included in the summary overview. These are the reasons why you did not meet the minimum word requirement. You only presented a percentage for PayPal when all the other companies were also represented in percentage form within the chart. Aim to write at least 4 paragraphs for this sort of essay so that you will have a better chance at a passing grade. 4 is an acceptable number of paragraphs because a concluding statement is not required for a task 1 essay.
digaprasiska 6  
Oct 13, 2017   #3
@namibdesert

The provided chart illustrates the total amount of female ...

your introduction is clear, you already paraphrase it.

Overall, the percentage of female employees ...

On the overview, state 2 sentences. Mention the contrast weather the highest or the lowest.

Summarize the information by selecting and ...

The company with the most female leaders ...

Clearly, you only make general comparison. In the Main paragraph you should present more about the detail.

To sum up, the percentage of women ...

In writing task 1, you don't need to summarize.

Here is my suggestion :

Introduction 1 sentences
overview : 2- 3 sentences

Main paragraph 1 : Tech Job in detail
Main paragraph 2 : Leadership job in detail
Main paragraph 3 : Total work force in detail

You will have more than 150 words with this.
rodrigolivbr 1  
Oct 13, 2017   #4
PayPal, with 33% of their leaders and technology workers being female.

Namibdesert, according to the chart, Paypal has 33% of female leaders, but its percentage of tech workers is 24%, right? From your essay, however, i understood that Paypal has also 33% of female tech workers, which is not the case...
eddies [Contributor] 455  
Oct 15, 2017   #5
Hellooo there.., let give you a few valuable insights into your report.

You need small changes in the way you present your opening paragraph. What you need to do is to introduce your audiences the general view of the chart with good grammar structure. Let me give you an example: Large tech companies in the United States of America illustrate the proportion of female workers categorized into 3 different areas of work: tech jobs, leadership jobs, and total workforce. As it can be seen from the graph, majority of people engaged in total workforce show the highest percentage. The proportion of females working in the tech employment is close behind leadership jobs all companies, except in the Amazon where tech jobs are no available. The data showing 8 different companies is presented in the bar chart. This essay will compare and contrast the data and be followed by a reason conclusion at the the end.

leaders and technology workers is PayPal, with 33%

Leadership jobs have almost the same percentages in the two companies: Paypal and Twitter, at 33 and 30 respectively, while the proportion of female workers in Facebook, Apple, and eBay are close behind, with just under a third.I try to compare and contrast the data shown in the graph. By doing so, then you have covered the question from the prompt. Not answering the question leads to score lower.

It is also revealed

You need to change this tense into the active one as the latter form brings more clarity when presenting data. Here: This reveals that ...

Hope this helps :)

- Eddy Suaib.
Ummu 2  
Oct 15, 2017   #6
Hello, i have read your great essay about writing task 1, it is good that you try to explain more about the graph. unfortunately your essay less than 150. you should also pay attention to the pattern of writing task 1. in Writing task 1 the sum up is not really need, so use this chance to explain more about the graph maybe you can add more comparison there. you should also pay attention to the opening speech. you should add overall there as an opening to describe what actually happen for all the graph. please search more about the pattern. good luck ^^
Chi Han 2  
Oct 16, 2017   #7
Hello namibdesert,
Like many people have said, you need to add the word to the minimum requirement of 150, or the grade will be low.

You can make it longer in the paragraph 2. Make more overview of the graph, describe general features in the graph instead of detailed ones.
(Btw, I don't think you need to be more precise when you use the vocabulary 'considerable' because it is too vague for readers.)

The information is a little bit messy in paragraph 3. You can describe more to inform the readers.

Hope that helps~


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