Unanswered [4] | Urgent [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


TASK 1 - percentage of people born in and outside of Australia living in cities, town, rural areas


jackhoang 1 / -  
Nov 10, 2023   #1
The bar chart demonstrates the rate of residents who were given births in and outside of Australia residing in cities, towns and rural areas in 1995 and 2010.

Overall, The percentage of people who lived in cities in the group which was born outside of Australia was always higher than the one who was born in Australia and the numbers went up in 2010. Meanwhile, the number of people who lived in towns and rural areas was different between the two groups and shrunk significantly in 2010.

In 1995, the majority of people born outside of Australia, accounting for 60%, lived in cities. This was followed by 40% residing in rural areas and over 10% in towns. Conversely, individuals born in Australia had a smaller percentage of citizens in cities with the majority around 50% living there. Approximately over 30 % resided in rural areas and 20% in towns.

In 2010, there was a noticeable shift in the population distribution. While the number of city citizens remained dominant and increased to 65% in people born in Australia and 80% in people born outside of Australia, the proportion of people who resided in towns and rural areas dropped sharply. In 2010, the percentage of people who were born in Australia living in towns and rural areas shared the same 15%. Within the other group, the minority accounted for over 5%, lived in rural areas and the number of town residents was around 10%.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15036 4827  
Nov 25, 2023   #2
n 1995 and 2010

Incorrect sentence structure. You are indicating that only 2 years are to be compared in the image. However, the image indicates that the numbers presented cover the periods between 1995 and 2010. That is a 15 year period. This reference will be seen as inaccurate and fail your score in terms of Task Accuracy.

in and outside of Australia residing in

This is a confusing reference. You need to use a better reference separator in this case. You do not properly differentiate between the 2 possible birthplaces in the same manner that they original presentation does.

and the numbers went up in 2010

Whose numbers? That is unclear in this statement. Remember, every basic sentence should contain only 1 reference idea. That way you keep the presentation on track with the information you are providing. You do not always have to always use "and" in a sentence. Not when the next information set is not related to the previously stated one.


Home / Writing Feedback / TASK 1 - percentage of people born in and outside of Australia living in cities, town, rural areas
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳