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TASK 1 the percentage of people of different age groups who watched a movie in cinema once a month


claireorg 1 / -  
Feb 22, 2023   #1

cinema attendance in the UK from 1984 to 2003



The chart below shows the percentage of people of different age groups who went to the cinema once a month or more in the UK from 1984 to 2003

The given chart illustrates the proportion of people of different age groups who watched a movie in cinema once a month or more in UK from 1989 to 2003

Overall, we can see that people who aged from 15-24 took up a significant percentage. In contrast, the number of people from 35 and cover age group was really low.

In 1984, the proportion of 15-24 aged people accounted for only 18%. After the period of fluctuation, this figure reached the highest peak at almost 60%, ranked first in the age groups. Besides, the figure for people from 35 and cover was 2% in the first year. There was no noticeable change after 19 years. In 2003, this figure increased to 15%.

From the graph, 7-14 aged people rise by 25% (from 10% to 35%) and show a downward trend in the future. The period from 1984 to 2003 witnessed an unstable change in the percentage of people from 25 to 35. This figure fluctuated from 5% to 15%.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759  
Feb 23, 2023   #2
The first problem that the examiner will notice in this presentation is your inability to use punctuation marks to signify the end of a sentence or paragraph. This is practically a mortal sin when writing task 1 or 2 essays. That is because it shows that you are not capable of proper writing composition based on English writing rules. It creates a confusion in the presentation as the thoughts are left hanging for the reader and therefore, makes it difficult to analyze for content and meaning. It leaves the presentation wanting for coherence and cohesiveness in most cases.

In addition, these also create a problem for your sentence structure / presentations. You are not properly developing the types of sentences that the examiner looks for in the writing. Most specially since you are seemingly capable of only writing 2 run on sentences per presentation. The examiner expects to read at least 3 sentences to create a somewhat coherent and cohesive paragraph. You are just using run-on sentences in this case, which means a very low GRA and C+C score for you in the end.

Confusion with regards to image identifiers are also present. You first indicated a chart was presented, but looking at the image uploaded, you were only provided with a line graph. This means you have misidentified the task markers, leading to an inappropriate task presentation for the most part.

Based on these problems, the essay may have a problem achieving a passing score.
Panjasrose 3 / 6  
Feb 24, 2023   #3
Your essay in task 1 is too short , i didnt count it but i dont think it have at least 150 words
You did not describe this chart clearly
I dont think there are any goodside in your essay
I agree with the consultant
ceewlz 2 / 1  
Feb 24, 2023   #4
+) i think that you're not really good at paraphrasing as ur introduction is quite the same as the topic.
+) in the introduction, UK is a groups of countries so it must be the UK
+) in ur overview, u wrote from then u must have to. It is from 15 to 24
+) also ur overview, u should include trending sentences

i think u have problems with grammar and word choice like 15-24 aged people, it should be 15-24 people.
there were more than two age groups so when u mentioned ranked first ... the age groups, it should be "among", not "in"
ur sentences are quite short, it would lower ur band score
aurangzaib517 1 / 2  
Feb 24, 2023   #5
@claireorg

Though your response is somehow meeting the task requirement, I think you need to work on the punctuation and coherence of your text. Because if these are not addressed properly in your writings, you may lose significant scores.


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