The percentage of teacher recruitments in Ontario

The line graph gives information regarding the percentage of teacher recruitments for teaching in two different languages in Ontario from 2001 to 2007. Overall, what stands out from the line graph describes the proportion of French teachers experiencing a gradual increase compared with the recruitments of English teachers' over the timeframe.

With regard to this trend, in 2001, the percentage of people in job recruited as English teachers stood at approximately 73%, it was 3% higher than French teachers. Then, both figures saw a significant fall of remaining pattern at around 58% and 52% respectively in the next year, whilst the percentage of French teachers' recruitment rebounded at about 67% in 2003 to reach a short peak at 70% over the next two years.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from the line graph reveals that People recruited as English teachers had the percentage at 70% in the first year, and then over the next two years, the figure of English teachers fell significantly by more than 30%. However, the total of English language teachers witnessed a sharp drop in the end of period at under 30%, after it remained at interval rates by 40% of people who teach English language from 2003 to 2005.

I don't see the line graph. I will have to help you with grammar instead. Please look at your line graph to ensure you are explaining this well.

1st paragraph: It seems as if French teachers experienced a higher recruitment rate than English teachers over the time frame. I would change the last sentence so the reader is able to understand this comparison.

2nd paragraph: The first sentence, I would delete, "in job". I think the sentence is easily understood when I read it as, "people recruited as English teacher". I would change the word whilst to while.

3rd paragraph: People should be lowercase. I'm having a hard time understanding this paragraph because it mentions recruited English teacher and then English language teachers. I think the line graph will help me to better understand these facts. I'm sorry I was unable to assist you more.