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IELTS Writing Task 1 : Percentage of three known Fast Food Restaurants in two Asian countries

santrinabawi 2 / 2 1  
Dec 11, 2019   #1

McDonald's, KFC and Burger King in Indonesia and Vietnam

The proportion of 3 popular fast food restaurants between young people in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 and predictions for 2027 is described in the pie charts.

Overall, the ratio of teenagers sellected McDonald's and KFC in Indonesia was higher than that of those in Vietnam. On the other hand, Vietnam is predicted to overcome Indonesia in eating McDonald's and Burger King.

In 2017, the proportion of Indonesian comsuming McDonald's and KFC was bigger than Vietnam's society, 60.8% and 23.8% respectively. But, the latter preferred Burger King more than the former.

By 2027, apart from the previous comparison, Indonesian is predicted to decrease eating fast food in McDonald's and Burger King by 12.3% and 3.1% respectively. However, KFC will show moderately growth to 39.2%. In contrast, people in Vietnam are envisioned to increase their consumption of McDonald's and KFC around 57.4% and 6.3%. But, they predicted will reduce significant consuming of Burger King by 37.4%.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Dec 11, 2019   #2
Task Achievement
> The introduction is good, but you fail to deliver the message clearly. You cannot start the discussion with the proportion of 3 popular restaurants. You need to change this into teenager's preferences in choosing fast food outlets

> Be careful about the word overcome in the overview, as this cannot represent what you think. It is always good to check meanings of the words in English-English dictionary prior to using them in your essays.

> It is not Indonesian comsuming McDonald's and KFC, but which is a fast food restaurant to choose when to eat.
> You need to thoroughly understand the report as to avoid misconception about the data. This is not about KFC will show moderately growth to.

Coherence and Cohesion:
> You use linking words, but some of which are inaccurate. Instead of using but in the first sentence, you'd better use However,
> Paragraphs are linked one another, but the messages delivered are unclear.

Lexical Resource
> The word combinations you use show misuses, like show moderately growth, envisioned to, predicted will

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
> You try to use complex sentences, but they are inaccurate since you fail to use proper conjunctions in sentences
> You need to check singular and plural nouns
> Beware of using articles.

Hope this helps

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