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'Our personality is the average of the five people with whom we spend most of our time'; GRE Task



shiv_riky 3 / 4  
Jan 18, 2017   #1
People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


the environment around largely determines our behaviour



There is a famous saying that our personality is the average of the five people with whom we spend most of our time. Forces and external influence have a very powerful impact which in turn shape a person's behaviour. Though people think that their ideas and actions are the results of their will, mostly they are a product of powers that are not of their making. I completely agree with this statement because of the reasons that will follow this passage.

Some of our conscious actions and thoughts are a product of our subconscious mind which represents a fundamental idea behind psychoanalysis and Sigmund Freud's work. In Psychoanalysis, patients try to make their subconscious thoughts conscious. A lot of experiences of our childhood, on which we have no control, shape our nature and behaviour. The behaviour of many people, who had suffered trauma during their childhood, are influenced by these traumatic events. The idea is not just related to trauma, but our upbringing also creates us in a way that is different than everyone else. There is a whole range of study in psychoanalysis and psychology that shows that how our behaviour is influenced by external factors over which we have no control.

In the famous psychological experiment 'The Stanford Prison Experiment', prisoners and guards became so absorbed in their roles that they forgot their original identities. In just under 2 weeks, prisoners started to doubt their own existence; they forgot their names and started considering themselves as mere numbers provided by the guards. Guards, who had a lot of power over prisoners, completely altered their personalities and started to enjoy the power of the prisoners. After the experiment was over, both guards and prisoners could not realise what had happened to them. This experiment bolsters the claim presented in the statement, as only within two weeks the behaviour of the participants changed completely. This experiment shows that we have very little control over our behaviour, and external forces can completely alter it.

There have been many claims of free-will and that one can shape her behaviour. It is possible to some extent to study patterns in our behaviour and after the diligent and arduous effort, we can change the way we behave. But this will require indomitable will power, years of effort both physical and mental. Many leaders in the history had controlled their behaviour; people like Buddha, Gandhi had a lot of control on their actions and thoughts. But to become one of them is easier said than done.

In the end, it seems most important for the people to understand that the environment around them largely determines their behaviour.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15393  
Jan 18, 2017   #2
Shivam, you could probably score a 5 using this written work in the GRE. You show a clear understanding of the discussion offered and managed to create a clear explanation using proper examples to help support your position. The Stanford Experiment reference is a very good one to use in this essay at it strongly represents an actual application of your position. However, for the sake of the readers who may not be familiar with the experiment, a quick summary of the study should have been provided in order to better illustrate your point.

The weakest point of your essay, from my point of view, relates to your use of Buddha and Gandhi as further supporting examples for your claims. In order to determine that these two actually had full control over their behavior, you should have cited instances that could have presented that claim as a fact. Remember, one is a God and the other is a hero. Both were influenced by their surroundings just the same. As such, they were both influenced by their surroundings and forces not of their making. Therefore, to say that they were in full control of their behavior may be an incorrect assumption.
notmargaux 2 / 3  
Jan 19, 2017   #3
@shiv_riky
Hi there. As Holt said, you do have a strong essay and I agree with her recommendations.

I would also like to make my own comments about some grammar mistakes.

... patterns in our behaviour and after the diligent and ... -- you may remove the word "and" and make these two phrases separate sentences to avoid redundancy.

But this will require indomitable will ... - you should also avoid starting your sentence with the word but. I believe that without that word, the sentence is good enough to stand on its own.
OP shiv_riky 3 / 4  
Jan 21, 2017   #4
@Holt
@notmargaux

Thank you, for the advice. I understand I was not able to convey my message from the 4th paragraph on Gandhi and Buddha. What I intend to say was that if a person put in the effort he can control his behaviour and his character, but it will require a lot of work which can sometimes take a whole lifetime to succeed.

@Holt My argument in 4th paragraph is not correct and thanks for highlighting it. I would also like to add that Buddha was also a human being, but we can call him an enlightened human being. He himself denounced people calling him 'God'.


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