My pet essay

An essay I'm writing for a competition at school. This is just the intro (it will be 1000-1500 words in length by the end). Looking for general criticisms etc. If this is the wrong board then blame that on my newbiness. Thanks in advance

------------------------------------------------------------ -----------------------------

Hello there friends! If you're reading this article then well done - you're literate!

So I bet you're wondering "Well, Ulysses, why should I get a pet?" First off, don't you take that tone with me buddy. This is my article and if I'm going to get to any point whatsoever I'll damn well do it in my own time.

Secondly, good question! A lot of people will tell you that pets can enrich our lives emotionally and physically and help us to become more responsible, well-rounded human beings through the care of animals which depend on us. HAHAHAHAHAH!

I've cared for many different animals through the course of my life and if any of you have ever met me then you'll know that all it has done is make me a bitter, shell of a man. If you haven't met me, you'll most likely recognise me as that guy that hangs around A corridor playing Yu-Gi-Oh with year sevens. That's right, the chap that's always crying.

The only reason anyone has ever gotten a pet is because they were lonely and couldn't find a friend within their own species. Most animals can't call you fat or spurn your sexual advances and so with them you'll find your only companionship until you finally make it with the crazy cat lady next door. Giggity.

So if you're desperate enough to still be reading this article then I guess you are thinking about what animal to pick for your only friend.

Interesting. Humor is always a good approach to take, though it can be difficult to pull off (humor is notoriously subjective). The first sentence should probably go -- I was expecting your essay to be about the importance of literacy after reading it. Beyond that, you seem to be on a decent track. It'll be easier to tell how well you've succeeded with the humor thing after you have finished the entire essay, though.

How crazy! The humor really is funny, not that all-too-common failed attempt made by many essays. (Except for the irrelevant thing about being literate, the delivery does not work there, at the beginning...). Anyway, I love it! I hope the prof does.

I think "gigity" actually weakens it, only because it is a Family Guy reference that does not give credit where credit is due. Actually, though, maybe I am wrong; do people other than that Family guy character say "gigity"?? It really is wicked funny, though. Nevermind, forget I said anything; you should keep it. But if you can somehow mention Family Guy at the start of that paragraph, it will be sort of like an obscure reference WITH credit given where due.

Does that even make sense?

Anyway, I see no errors and look forward to more.

One important point. The coolness of your writing deserves a topic that is not so boring. Can you make the main assertion more unique than just "why you should have a pet?" How about... "why you should have a (some adjective) pet."

I wouldn't worry too much about the Family Guy reference. It's a fairly obvious allusion, and one word cannot be plagiarism, though some words or phrases can be trademarked, so if you were publishing this professionally you might have to be more concerned. If you want to cover all of your bases, though, you can always throw in a footnote.

Ha ha, yeah, "gigity" is anyone's term, I guess. What I was thinking was that the humor in the essay is so original that I would not want readers to think it was largely borrowed from Family Guy. But it really is no big deal. Gigity.

Bwahahaha, Mustafa approves.

That's a first, Mustafa!

:)