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The pie chart and table represent information about three vital reasons that caused land degradation


Alamsyah Ismail 24 / 43  
Oct 2, 2016   #1
The pie chart and table represent information about three vital reasons that caused land degradation in the world and especially in the three regions during 1990s. It is important to notice that over-grazing had the biggest percentage been caused land degradation in the worldwide. While deforestation had been the mayor reason in the three areas between 1990s.

In North America, there are 5% land degradation that caused by deforestation, 0,2%; over-cultivation, 3,3%; and over-grazing, 1,5%. Beside, in Oceania, over-grazing had dominated percentage for the causes of land less-produtive at approximately more than one in twenty. Meanwhile in Europe are place which had the highest percentage at around more than quarter land. Deforestation had been the crucial reason that caused degradation of land over there at around 9,8% between 1990s.

A part of previous comparison, over-grazing had been the vital reason of counter-productive land at around more than a third. Then, deforestation had also been important impulse of land degradation at approximately less than a third. At last, over-cultivation had the least percentage between 2 other reasons that caused ineffectual land in worldwide at around 28% between 1990s.




alfa7 19 / 26 1  
Oct 2, 2016   #2
Hello Alamsyah, I want you obtain some suggestion from me

here we go

It isthese data are important to notice that over-grazing has had the biggest (...) degradation in the worldwide.
... three areas between 1990' s.

In North America, there areis 5% land degradation that ...

in my opinion you can paraphrase the numbers and per cent you make you essay more formal.

Beside, in Oceania, over-grazing had ...
Deforestation had been [you need verb-ing] the crucial reason (...) around 9,8% between 1990's.

... over-grazing had been [you need verb-ing] the vital reason of ...
... the least percentage between 2 [you should paraphrase number in under 2 digits] other reasons that (...) 28% between 1990's.

note: keep writingand go ahead
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 2, 2016   #3
Hi Ismail,

Here's my contributions towards your IELTS task 1 essay. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- ... that caused land degradation in the world, and especially in the three different regions during the 1990s.
- Overall/At first glance,it is important to noticenote that over-grazing had the biggest percentage been causedin causing land degradation in the worldwide.

- WhileMeanwhile, deforestation had been the mayorbecome the major reason in the three areas. between 1990s.("while" cannot stand alone. It is a "connector" of two clauses. Also, mentioning "time" would be redundant since you have mentioned it in the first sentence.)

2nd paragraph:
- In this paragraph, you need to pay more attention on the tense usage. I think that you accidentally used present tense instead of past tense. If you take a closer look on the timeline, it is clear that this essay needs to be written in past form. I also notice some grammatical inaccuracies regarding cohesive device usage and spelling such as "besides" not "beside" and "productive" not "produtive". You need to also see the difference between past and past perfect in the last sentence of this paragraph. I reckon that it is supposed in past form instead of past perfect.

Overall, some grammatical inaccuracies can be reduced by having lots of practices. I believe you can do that. Good luck for the next one mate! :)


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