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The pie charts illustrate the water usage for six different regions around the world


roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Aug 31, 2019   #1

The writing of IELTS Cambridge 11 Test1 Task 1



The pie charts illustrate the water usage for six different regions around the world. It is crystal clear to see that argriculture water using purpose occupied the greatest amount in Central Asia, and it is also the most biggest percentage among the three water categories. Next followed by industrial water usage,which contains about 53% in Europe. Compared to the others, the motive of taking domestic water is relatively less,only South America has 19% and demands more domestic water usage than the other five territories.

As we can see that although Central Asia consumed the most ratio of agriculture water purpose, its industrial one is the last. Taking a close look, we can easily to find out that its domestic one is in the last position as well, just 7%, same as South East Asia.

Then it is quite straightforward to know that Europe and north America are industrialized cause they need a lot of water for industrial purpose. On the other hand, the other four regions are non-industralized due to the extremely less portion of industrial water using purpose compared to the former one.




amira11545 6 / 11 5  
Aug 31, 2019   #2
Hi,
I'm here to give you feedback on this essay.
1/ Your body structure in Task 1 should be Intro- Overview- Body paragraphs
> I suggest that you should rewrite your essay following this structure
2/ In the IELTS test, it is better for you to avoid using ' we ' , 'they', 'I', 'you' as much as you can because it is not an academic writing style.

3/ I think that your transitional phrases are not suitable for an essay in the IELTS test. e.g 'Then it is quite straightforward to know that..'

I suggest you should take a look at some band 8-9 writing samples and learn more academic phrases to use in your own essays.
4/"...we can easily to find out ..."
A serious grammatical error. 'Can' is a modal verb, so a infinitive verb have to follow it --> '.. can easily find out'

As long as you are willing to practice more, you definitely can improve your writing skills
Best of luck !
OP roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Sep 4, 2019   #3
@amira11545
Thank you so much. It is very helpful. ❤❤


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