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The comparison of water usage in different regions: San Diego, California, and the rest of the world

hanaquynh 1 / 1  
Jul 23, 2021   #1

Ielts Writing Task 1_ Water usage

The pie charts show the comparison of water usage in different regions: San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

As can be seen from the graphs, San Diego and California shared the same pattern with the greatest percentage of water used for residential purposes and the smallest for agriculture, which was opposite with the other countries. There was no significant difference in water usage for industry in San Diego, California and the rest.

Both in San Diego and California, residents consumed most of the water, respectively at 60% and 39% of the total water use. The amount of water served for industrial activities in the two regions ranked second, with 23% in San Diego and 33% in California. Agriculture made up the smallest proportion which was 17% in San Diego. This figure was 28% - a little higher in California.

By contrast, in the other parts of the world, water was used most for agricultural purposes. It amounted to 69% of the total water usage. Meanwhile, the residential water use accounted for an insignificant 8% compared with the other purposes and compared with San Diego and California. There was 23% of water used in industry, which was similar to San Diego and only 10% less than California.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4800  
Jul 24, 2021   #2
The writer lacks familiarity with the image types. Pie charts are different from graphs and indicate different measurement basis considerations.There is a punctuation usage eror in the 3rd paragraph. A dashline is being used even though it is irrelevant to the discussion presentation. Accurate punctuation usage is a major part of the score. Even if only 1 punctuation ever is spotted, a deduction will be appropriately applied.

There is a confusing presentation in relation to residential water use. It appears as if the writer tried to insert information, resulting in a confusing sentence presentation. It is important not to cram too much data into one sentence because it causes confusion while being read by someone other than the writer.
OP hanaquynh 1 / 1  
Jul 24, 2021   #3
@Holt Could you please have any suggestions for correcting my sentences?
Kiu1007 3 / 5  
Aug 4, 2021   #4
is important for writer to have a well organised introduction and provide exclusive information, such as the number of pie charts, the categories involved and divided by three countries. Here is an example for you: The 3 pie chart gives the porportion of water used by San Diego, California and the rest of the world in 3 categories ( residential, industry, agriculture).

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