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The pie charts illustrates how many people took part in organizations voluntarily (2008 and 2014)

uyen2028 1 / -  
Jun 5, 2022   #1

the percentage of volunteers by organizations - IELTS 1

The pie charts illustrate how many a person who takes part in organizations voluntarily in 2008 and 2014.

Overall, there was a significant increase in the proportion of volunteers in the environment, sport, and health care while the percentage of people who had non-profit jobs in art, education, and others decreased at the end period.

The number of volunteers working in the environment sector started at 21%, which after it experienced a considerable growth to 29% in 2014. While volunteer trend can be seen in the art, reduced from 18% to 12%, worker in sports sector rise between 15% and 25% over the period.

7% of people worked in non-profit heathy care organizations in 2008, with a slight climb to 8% in 2010. Conversely, the figure for a person in educational organization and others who did a job without being paid for it was 24% and 15%, followed by a drop of 17% and 9%, respectively in 2014.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,878 4563  
Jun 5, 2022   #2
The overall word count for this essay is too short to accurately reflect the writer's reporting skills. Full marks cannot be considered for each subic section when less than 175 words are written. 158 words reflects that the writer did not really take the time to study the images. He merely glanced at it and hurriedly wrote it up. He must learn proper time management in relation to developing an analytical report. That way he can maximize his scoring potential.

Offering the number of images specifically will help add exceptional clarity to the summary paragraph. Even if the years indicated infer the number of images, points will not be lost if the writer does his best to use all marked information in that section. It can only increase the score.

There is a bit of information reference confusion in the trending statement One must specifically mention "at the start of the period" prior to referencing "at the end of the period" to properly represent the measurement schedule overview.

Review the images in chronological order /as presented in the original report. Do not change the order because it will confuse the reader when considering information clarity.
poopie 1 / 2  
Jun 8, 2022   #3
You can use more comparative sentences to diversify your essay that will level up your band in IELTS.
Ex: In terms of volunteer figures in 2008, volunteering in academic associations ranked first with 24 percent,...
littlecozyhome 1 / 2  
Jun 19, 2022   #4
a person who takes => people who took
at the end period => at the end of the period
worker => workers
a person in educational organization => people in educational organizations
You should use comparative sentences to level up your band. Besides, the essay is quite short.
danielsmith 2 / 4  
Jun 20, 2022   #5
Conversely, the figure for a person in an educational organization and others ...

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