Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

TOEFL: Playing Sports teaches us lessons about life? Yes, there are at least 3 things


fengyang2011 1 / 1  
Sep 7, 2010   #1
Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life.

I am going to take the TOEFL exam in a few days, and here is a essay I write for a topic above. I am a bit confused that if I understand the topic properly. I will appreciate you very much if you can help to identify my errors and give me some advice, thank you.

Time: 20min

In my personal life, I love sports, especially jogging, and I strongly agreed with the speaker's statement that playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life. I believed that there are at least three things that sports can teach people as following.

To begin with, I think the most valuable lesson that people can learn from doing sports is the spirit of sports. The spirit of sports is an wonderful experience in one's life that is not likely to be gained unless one takes part in the sports. The most vital spirit I learned from playing sports is to insist. Since I love jogging and the key factor of running longer and faster is to insist. When you are tired and feel cannot move a single step, if you insist on running, you will not only improve your muscle or running skill , but also you improve your spiritual power. The suffer that I experienced whiling doing sports teaches me an important lesson which could leading me to success, which I think the most important one of these lessons is to insist.

Secondly, doing sports also bring people inspiration. As a student in university, I have a lot of research work to do.When I am doing sports, my scientific part of my brain can get rest for a while, which helps me get inspiration and work more efficiently. Even I am intereted in my major subject and the assigments which my teacher gives me, I still like to spare some time to doing physical exerise to relax my mind, and strengthen my body in the meantime. After doing some sports and having a comfortable shower, I could feel my mind are getting sharper and clearer. And I can solve my scientific problems more easily. This is the treasure that doing sports brings me, or in another word, teaches me.

The last but not the least, the life is not only about mental, knowing oneself's body is definitely part of our lives. Through playing sports, I can know better about my body information, taking for example, how fast could I run? How long could I jump? How strong my muscle is? These knowledge could only be obtained through doing sports by oneself. Since I am always dream to travel around the world, learning about my physical ability is becoming a valuable lesson that I could learn from doing sports.

jems007 5 / 10  
Sep 7, 2010   #2
I think that in first explanation you should say that sport help us to be healthy as well as increase spiritual power instead of spirit of sport.

You should write your conclusion part at the last of essay.

you have some spelling mistake but fewer mistake is acceptable in TOEFL exam.
ryutei133 5 / 24  
Sep 7, 2010   #3
I believed that there are at least three things that sports can teach people as following.

I'm afraid it's not a good enough transition sentence. You should make it more specific by listing the points you discussed below. Just the brief ideas are ok. Phrases like at least three things or as following are a little bit vague.

The suffering that...an important lesson about persistence , which could lead me to success. which I think....
Last but not least, life is not...my body information . For example , I know how fast I could run, how long I could jump and how strong my muscle is....always dreaming of traveling around the world, learning about my physical ability is undoubtedly a valuable lesson...

I think your second point is not suitable here. I mean playing sports brings inspirations, but it doesn't teach us how to gain inspirations or what the inspirations are. bring=teach? hmm...I don't really think so, but I really like your ideas. :)
OP fengyang2011 1 / 1  
Sep 7, 2010   #4
I appreciate you for helping me to modify my essay. It really helps a lot! And I think I need to spend more time to make my sentences and words more precise.

And I also agree with you that bring doesn't equal teach. I have some problem in understanding the concept of "lessons in life", could you give me some examples?

Thank you! :)
ryutei133 5 / 24  
Sep 7, 2010   #5
could you give me some examples?

team spirit --- we learn the spirit from team games and it is also important in our life
persistence (your first point) --- as you said, you learned it from jogging. I think you could add some explanation about how persistence works in our life.

communication --- similar to "team spirit"
to be optimistic and keep your motivation when you lose a sport competition --- ... when you lose a competition in life or just when you suffer something unpleasant in your life

to respect your opponents, bravery to face challenge, strong will, stress management...
(some of them are similar)

And for your third point, since you could know your body better by doing sports, maybe you could also know your competence or capability better during work in life. So what kind of lesson would you learn from playing sports? er...It seems a little hard for me to summarize it...@@...You may try it. Since it's your idea, I believe you understand it much better and deeper than me. :)
fordragon 5 / 16  
Sep 7, 2010   #6
It is a nice essay, but i think you can try to use more complicated sentences.
This is my suggestion. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Sep 8, 2010   #7
Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life.

More than what? I don't understand this either. Maybe they mean this: Playing sports teaches many life lessons.

So, you need to write an essay about how sports teach life lessons...

Use the present verb tense here:
In my personal life, I love sports, especially jogging, and I strongly agreed agree with the speaker's statement that playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life. I believed believe that there are at least three things that sports can teach people as following.

Practice by reading each sentence allowed ten times. I believe that there are... I strongly agree with the... 10 times! :-)

Instead of writing "insist," I think you should write "persist." Or you can write "insist on success" but I think you mean persist.

When you are tired and feel cannot move a single step, if you insist on success, you will not only improve your muscle or running skill, but also you improve your spiritual power.--- very good sentence!! Spiritual power is a good concept.

The suffering that I experienced whiling while doing sports teaches me an important lesson which could leading lead me to success, and I think the most important of these lessons is to insist on success.--- practice speaking and typing this sentence 10 times. I made a lot of corrections to it.

:-)

Doing ----> brings
Secondly, doing sports also brings people inspiration.

Good luck on the test! You make only small mistakes, and your meaning is always clear.

...knowing one's own body is definitely part of our lives.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Playing Sports teaches us lessons about life? Yes, there are at least 3 things