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{IELTS} More and more pollution and wastage produced. How common people are affected by pollution?


billa95 1 / 1  
Jun 29, 2020   #1

More and more pollution and wastage produced.


How common people are affected by pollution?
What an individual can do to prevent it?


In recent years, air pollution and wastage has risen dramatically, which has caused number of deterimental affects on common population. This essay will discuss some of those causes and measures that can be taken by individuals to deter their effects.

One of the most significant issues pertaining to degrading quality of air is respiratory diseases. As an example, pollution in the city NewDelhi is so high that breathing there for 3 hours equals to smoking a cigarette as per the recent WHO survey. This is a pressing problem for common people because most of labour and essential workers spend most of their time during the day outside to fullfil their jobs. Therefore, they are exposed to pollution during the large portion of the day, disturbingly, which can decrease their life-span. Not only this, pollution has resulted in rising temperatures which has resulted in global warming around the world, which again brings more stress and difficulties on pockets of people as they will now have to spend more electricity to survive the hot day.

Nevertheless, a number of measures can be implemented to control the increasing pollution, best of which is increasing the dependency on renewable resources for electricity rather than resources such as coal. In the recent survey, national pollution agency stated that in number of cities across india, 20% of the pollution is being caused due to the thermal power plants. Furthermore, mandating the use of high-efficiency vehicles and electric cars can create a significant reduction of pollution created by transport.

To recapitulate, two main issues due to increased pollution that has been directly affecting common lives are respiratory problem and rising temperatures. However, such problem can be prevented by switching to non-conventional resources and electronic vehicles which will eventually control the falling air-quality.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,363 2885  
Jun 29, 2020   #2
When you are given direct questions to respond to in the original prompt, that means the essay is asking you to outline your discussion points in the prompt restatement. That means, in the first paragraph you should provide:

- Sentence 1: An accurate restatement of the topic for discussion
- Sentence 2: The direct response to the first question (topic outline)
- Sentence 3: Direct response to the 2nd question (Topic 2 outline)

As such, the essay is to be composed of 2 reasoning paragraphs that clearly represent one discussion topic per paragraph. Both of the reasoning paragraphs you have presented include a second reason at the end which is not fully explained. Such insertions will affect the clarity of your discussion and portray the paragraph as being under developed or lacking in explanation and supporting points. Never present a hanging 2nd discussion topic. Stick to one discussion topic per paragraph unless otherwise stated by the original prompt. This prompt requires only 1 effect and 1 solution discussion in relation to the effect presented.

Try to develop a 3 sentence conclusion next time. It should be a proper summary of the original topic, your presented effect and solution, and a closing sentence that could add to the strength of your suggested solution.

As of now, the grammar is a problem in your essay, but the bigger problem is the discussion presentation. That is why I focused on it in this review. If you no longer have a discussion format problem in your next essay, I can address other issues in your presentation already.
OP billa95 1 / 1  
Jun 29, 2020   #3
@Holt

Thank you so much for the feedback.
fatika3007 4 / 8 3  
Jun 29, 2020   #4
Firstly, You should make clear about what kind of detrimental effect on population and the individual prevention. Straight to the point to the topic you will discuss. If you want to explain about respiratory disease please stated this topic clearly in the begining, and give the feasible solution that answering the causes.

For example :
Problem : Air pollution and wastage product increase
Implication : respiratory disease
Cause : More and more factory's end product have been released to the air
Solution (Individual) : using facemask in daily life
Secondly, there is irrelevant discussed topic in the first body paragraph. It might be better to remove global warming topic, financial, and electricity. try to stick into your discussion that you stated in the begining.


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