IELTS TASK 1: The most popular transportation in Edmonton - cars and Light Rail Transit

Writing Task 1
The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the proportion of using four different transportations in Edmonton, and the table illustrates the reason why people utilize car in the urban area and is measured in the percentage. Overall it can be seen that most of the citizens utilize car as the main transportation for work and business purposes.

The most popular vehicle in Edmonton is the car, representing more than two fifths. Following this, the figure for Light Rail Transit (LRT) is 35% in the second highest percentage while the other conveyances are similar at 10% in both taxi and bus.

The more people use cars, the most it is helpful for a certain activity. At 55%, working is the primary objective for utilizing automobile. It decreases by 10 % for business. In the third place, there is two fifths of the total that use the cars for taking the toddler to school. Finally, going to shop and pastime activities are in the lowest number that experience a minority level at 15%.

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  People_car.jpg
  

Nursyam, complete the way that you deliver the information in the introduction / overview of your essay. You unconsciously created only two sentences in what was a weak start for your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Arrange your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

The pie chart shows... It is measured... Overall, it can be seen that,...

Then, the first body paragraph of your essay also experience the same issue. If you don't serve up the information from the chart in the proper way within the essay, you will badly damage your final grade in the essay. I suggest that you approach the first body in the following manner:

The most popular... Following this,... The other conveyances...

Just bear in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By composing only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to elaborate your essay in a proper way, which is a major component of the scoring system.

I hope to see more improvements in your upcoming essays soon.

Keep trying and Good luck! :)

Hi Nur, I would like to share my thoughts on your analysis.

- areas and is measured

- Following this popularity ,

- the most it ismore helpful
- it is for a certain activity.
- that uses the cars for
- past time activities

There you have it Nur, I hope the corrections helped, it is very minor, you were able to create an analysis that is accurate to the given illustration and this transpired through out the essay. For future writing reference, make sure that the verb from corresponds to the subject in order to complete the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers. Also, observe the uniformity of your numbers, if you started it with figures such as 1,2,3,etc., then make sure that the same goes for the following numbers in the essay, this way there is a uniform presentation of information.

Hi Anaguna, some sentence seem well-organize. Yet, i have some suggestion :
1. firstly, your introduction is clearly enough that you mentioned measurement, so it is just a choice for you to write percentage behind the number again

2. try to make a connection among sentence
eg :


this is my own :
The favourite vehicle in Edmonton is car, representing more than two fifths.and then followed by Light Rail Transit (LRT) as the second highest percentage at 35%. However, taxi experienced the same proportion as bus at one in ten.