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Popularity of London attractions per month in summer 2013 (in thousands)


zakitauhid25 4 / 4  
Jun 16, 2016   #1
The graph shows the comparison of London museum visitors from June to September in 2013. Overall, British Museum was the most popular among others. However, the Science and National History Museum decreased steadyly.

From July to August, the British Museum had a significant downward trend from 750 thousands to 500 thousands visitors. It increased again between August and September 2013 to 650 thousands visitors.

From June to July 2013, Natural History Museum decreased from 550 thousands under 400 thousands visitors and between July to August 2013 the Museum visitors was constant under 400 thousands. The Science Museum decreased steadyly from June to August 2013 from 400 thousands to 300 thousands visitors. Both of the Museums visitors grew slowly again in August to September 2013 the National History Museum grew from 400 thousands to nearly 500 thousands visitors and the Science Museum increased from 300 thousands to more than 500 thousands visitors.




faisalrachmn 5 / 6  
Jun 16, 2016   #2
However, the Science and National History Museum decreased steadylysteadily .

The Science Museum decreased steadylysteadily from June to August 2013 ...
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 16, 2016   #3
Zaki, keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. So the following still needs work.

From July to August, the British Museum... (1st sentence)
It increased again between August... (2nd sentence)
Moreover,... (3rd sentence)


As seen, your paragraphing weight was somehow imbalance. Your last paragraph is bulkier than the second paragraph. This can be considered as bad grouping, and therefore your band score cannot go beyond 5.0. Remember the criteria of band 5 for task achievement criteria "presents, but inadequately covers, key features or bullet points" . I hope you can follow through my feedback and I would be happy to see any improvements soon. Good luck for the next practice :)
pujakurniawan19 9 / 16 4  
Jun 18, 2016   #4
Zaky, I agree with the Ichanpanst89's statements, so I would try to add some sentences

... Museum decreased steadily .

... August and September 2013 to 650 thousands visitors. The guest visited British Museum always was the highest among these three museums in there month.

The Science Museum decreased steadily from June to August 2013 from 400 thousands to 300 thousands visitors and making it to be a Museums that have lowest visitors .


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